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Hello friends,

For those of you currently at University, finals are going on which can be extremely stressful for any average person, not to mention anyone going through depersonalization. I've been reading lots of stuff online, listening to audiobooks, and watching videos... as usual.

One thing that I am going to try and do is the following:

Remove all resistance.

A boy on one of the youtube videos I was watching (HelpwithDP) said that he stopped trying to fight against the condition one weekend and even said "c'mon, give me all you've got!!" I mean I don't believe any method 100% until I see proof in my own life but I'm willing to remain open minded. My personal challenge to myself is that whenever I feel depersonalization happen, I will not automatically try to force my thoughts somewhere else, I will just let all dep related thoughts and feelings happen until my brain gets bored with that topic and the thoughts pass, eventually the feeling following.

I'm going to try to trust myself in this area of my life & hold the overall general belief that "I will get to the point where my brain is wired to feel consistently real, no matter what & life experiences and emotions are, with no connection to the condition" hold this as an intention, even if you don't continuously think about it often. I don't want to avoid strong emotions, I'm okay with experiencing emotions as, simply, emotions. I want to live life to the fullest, enduring stress and hard work to have the career and experiences that I love rather than staying "safe and stable."

I have personally overcome another "mental illness" in the past which seemed very difficult at first but I learned so much from the experience. I'm not going to go into the full story now but I had bulimia nervosa. My body has always been fit, eating disorder or not but at my worst, I had overwhelming urges to binge and purge that I wasn't sure were ever going to go away. I couldn't keep down one meal & had to seek the resources out there. Now that I think back upon the condition, it seems so strange because my relationship with food is so different now, it's so easy. But anyone who has ever experienced an addiction of some kind can relate to these strong urges and my experiences have given me empathy towards other issues, even though I don't feel them in the current day.

My solution was the following:
1. stop going to nutritionist/ therapist because that wasn't how I wanted to spend my time
2. stop fighting urges, give myself full permission to eat when I wanted food without feeling like everything was off limits & observing urges, I ate less and less during binge each time
3. holding the intent that I would have a natural relationship with food and my urges would return to serving my body
4. trusting myself during the day rather than living in constant fear of the next time my body would produce an urge or planning out all of these rules for things I needed to do surrounding the condition
5. remembering that I didn't have to fix every single trauma or psychological issue before re-wiring my brain (looking around me I saw lots of anxious/ depressed people without it being associated with food... emotions are emotions and I wasn't going to let this delay my response)
6. This is my responsibility, I trust myself with my life because I care more than other people, don't get trapped in limiting beliefs

The payoffs? I barely think about food but when I do, I'm happy and proud because I know my relationship with this area of my life is truly positive. I eat when it's time to but I can take my time, it's not urgent. Most normal people don't have a relationship this good. Even if I'm stressed out or whatever, this area remains constant. ^^ So as you can see, I'm not going to pretend that I know everything about this condition but I do think that all conditions of the psyche have patterns in common. I think that allowing dep thoughts/ sensation to play out fully relate to me stopping fighting against my urges to binge and purge (as long as you feel more peace and trust towards this area- specifically & hold the intent of eventually feeling fully real)

This is why I am trying this technique.

**Another technique I am trying today is to randomly jot things down in regular life activities that I'm thankful for. At first I was afraid of this (is thinking too positively keeping me from being realistic, processing trauma or therefore being centered in reality?) No, feeling thankful for legitimate things that are actually going on/ have happened is recognizing reality and feeling safe in the life you are living.

I got this idea from the book I am reading called the vortex which can get a little abstract and spiritual (mentions the law of attraction) which I try not to get too much into at the expense of real life, but this idea (above) seemed like a good one.

Also, anyone have thoughts on meditation & whether it works for you, harms you, or seems irrelevant?

Sidenote: being thankful/ focused for your life as it is should increase feelings of focus on what's going on in your life, or at least that's what I think. I haven't had too many sensations today because of this technique & I will keep you updated in the future.

So I've taken enough of another break. I'm going to get back into studying differential equations and physics and mechanics & save the rest of my writing for later. Again, please wish me luck on this endeavor.

Please write back and tell me if my ideas are dumb or if you have other ideas or if something really worked for you!

Love,
Jen
 
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