I am also a perfectionist. Not as much as I was as a child. It has always inhibited me, my spontentaeity, my creativity, but it has given me the discipline to accomplish things I never believed I could accomplish.
For me it is a way to "control" chaos -- which was my dysfunctional family upbringing, constant chaos, verbal abuse, etc. The perfectionism has been referred to in my case as something of a personality disorder in its own right. It is MUCH better than in my childhood in terms of behavior, i.e. trying to get an A+ in all my courses which was impossible. Focusing on the trees instead of the forest, details instead of the bigger picture.
I have always felt I have to win the Pulitzer Prize or I am nothing. I am slowly starting to realize and accept that is ridiculous and not a normal way to live. It is immobilizing.
It is taking a long time in DBT/CBT to work on this. I AM making some progress, but I believe this is so conditioned in me, an adaptation gone bad, that I will have it to some degree my whole life.
The pits, that's for certain.
By the way, I'm in the middle of a blizzard. It's gorgeous, but I can't get out of my apartment parking lot, and it would be deadly to do so. Missed a funeral service today as a result. I am very bummed. For a very close friend who committed suicide.
Just had to say that, as I wanted the closure damnit. Don't know when it will be rescheduled.