Hey Liz,
I literally used the same words yesterday at chatroom, about people in my life not understanding that I am not the person they once knew. They somehow expect her to be here, or to come back at some point, but she is apparently gone, and no matter how much I succeed in getting back to "myself", at least from time to time, it is a far cry from the person I used to be.
I have been better and worse in the last three years. Even though dissociation was with me in some form all my life, this occasionally debilitating DP that happened to me in the winter of 2016, and kept coming back, changed something very thorough in me.
I am ok with who I am, most of the time, so please don't get me wrong. I try to understand and to accept myself as I am now. I know what brought about my condition, and knowing that helped me understand a lot of other things that happened in my life, that I could not explain before.
I just feel, I guess like you, the inability to explain this to my closest people. And as you said, they try to understand. But even so, they would try to encourage me to be my old self from time to tome, not understanding that they are literally asking the impossible. It makes you feel left out of the world, I guess. And not to mention the feeling of faking it, that I have a lot, when I actually try to act in accordance with expectations.
I was becoming desperate at one point, just before I found this site. I needed so much at least one person to understand.
For me, it felt good to talk to people around here, to be sure.
Hope it will be good for you, too.
Best,
A.
I literally used the same words yesterday at chatroom, about people in my life not understanding that I am not the person they once knew. They somehow expect her to be here, or to come back at some point, but she is apparently gone, and no matter how much I succeed in getting back to "myself", at least from time to time, it is a far cry from the person I used to be.
I have been better and worse in the last three years. Even though dissociation was with me in some form all my life, this occasionally debilitating DP that happened to me in the winter of 2016, and kept coming back, changed something very thorough in me.
I am ok with who I am, most of the time, so please don't get me wrong. I try to understand and to accept myself as I am now. I know what brought about my condition, and knowing that helped me understand a lot of other things that happened in my life, that I could not explain before.
I just feel, I guess like you, the inability to explain this to my closest people. And as you said, they try to understand. But even so, they would try to encourage me to be my old self from time to tome, not understanding that they are literally asking the impossible. It makes you feel left out of the world, I guess. And not to mention the feeling of faking it, that I have a lot, when I actually try to act in accordance with expectations.
I was becoming desperate at one point, just before I found this site. I needed so much at least one person to understand.
For me, it felt good to talk to people around here, to be sure.
Hope it will be good for you, too.
Best,
A.
