[LizFerret]

Hello,

I have been struggling with dr for few years. I actually been consistantly "gone", or in a zombie-like state for around 3 years straight.
Now, when I write it, I understand how insane that sounds but its true.
My body participated in life while my head did not. What the hell? And yes, it was a reall hell.
I tried to quit the nightmarish hell life but I am still here. Recovering.
Three years after my attamt at leaving this life behind I am almost not dissosiating.
I know you all had plenty of similar trouble.
But what I want to know if you experienced similar unability to understand from friends or family?
I myself, had a need to explain myself to people Who were close to me during the dissosiation. I wanted to explain that the person they know, all of them were new in my life, is not real me.
Long story short, it took a lot of effort to explain in the most detail how it felt but it didnt work. People didnt get me.
Some really tried. I could see.
I no longer have a need to explain myself, doing better and while around others very cautious of not bringing up or discussing my dp.
I figured it is the best for me.
Can you relate?

 

[AnnaGiulia]

Hey Liz,

I literally used the same words yesterday at chatroom, about people in my life not understanding that I am not the person they once knew. They somehow expect her to be here, or to come back at some point, but she is apparently gone, and no matter how much I succeed in getting back to "myself", at least from time to time, it is a far cry from the person I used to be.

I have been better and worse in the last three years. Even though dissociation was with me in some form all my life, this occasionally debilitating DP that happened to me in the winter of 2016, and kept coming back, changed something very thorough in me.

I am ok with who I am, most of the time, so please don't get me wrong. I try to understand and to accept myself as I am now. I know what brought about my condition, and knowing that helped me understand a lot of other things that happened in my life, that I could not explain before.

I just feel, I guess like you, the inability to explain this to my closest people. And as you said, they try to understand. But even so, they would try to encourage me to be my old self from time to tome, not understanding that they are literally asking the impossible. It makes you feel left out of the world, I guess. And not to mention the feeling of faking it, that I have a lot, when I actually try to act in accordance with expectations.

I was becoming desperate at one point, just before I found this site. I needed so much at least one person to understand.

For me, it felt good to talk to people around here, to be sure.

Hope it will be good for you, too.

Best,

A.

 

[LizFerret]

Thank you for sharing. I can say that I am becoming myself again with a help of medication.
So there is hope.
I wish I knew about this community at times of my dispair, when I was at my worst.
But I have been through it and I am recovering.
I am in the new phase, to relive and experience flash backs of the time when I was dissociated full time. It terrifies me to se how wrong everything was. Even what I was saying and doing was off big time.
But I know now, I need to be on my own when I feel like this and try to calm myself as much as I can. And if not possible, to just wait it out.
Usually works for me.
I hope you will get better.
I wish all the best in this.