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Hello everyone...

Lately, i thought i controled my mental (anxiety, thoughts) too much so i decided to be in 'go with the flow-forget your head' mode without control over a possible anxiety.

I did that because i feel stuck emotionnally and reality looks bland for a very long time and i'm really tired of this state.

I thought i had more sensations a few days later, with this approach. And then, this week-end, i drank some beers, two days in a row, not much, but i felt a rise in anxiety and even bouts of depression this monday when i woke up. Feelings that i didn't felt in a long time actually (i still don't know if it's good news or not).

I felt a bit tired so i did a seance of appartment bike in the afternoon. All was ok during this seance but after that, the shits hit the fan...

All of a sudden, my brain was confused, between the depressed thoughts and the rise of dopamine i think and i began to slowly but surely panicking. And the more i tried to control the anguish, the worst it became. I learn later that it worsened the panick attack if you try to control it. You have to let it go. Anyway, I called my brother to ask him to buy me some relaxing medication on the way home.

When he arrived, i was litteraly on the verge of losing my mind (the panic began 3/4 of an hour then). I took two pills of medication and for TWO hours, i switched between states of relaxation (not for long), feeling my mind slipping from reality, felt that i was dying, i broke down in tears and felt so fragile...

I wanted my brother near me and told him stuff that was bordeline delirious at times but i had to talk to him to grip a bit of reality, to connect with the real world because i really felt that was it, i was turning insane with no coming back, i saw myself in psychiatric hospital for life. I think the anguish was telling me that but it felt really real at this point.

And after two hours through this hell on earth, i began to feel myself again (for what it means...) and be able to control my anxiety again (thanks to the really effective pills). I was so relieved that i cried again but shit, i wouldn't want this stuff on my worst enemy...

I learned a few things on myself from this horrible experience. Definitly, i have to express some emotions, grieving that is somewhere stuck in me. Make sense of all of my past, the bad experiences mostly. To have a more sane approach to my anxiety and stop 'blocking' it. And finally, be more gentle to myself, stop blaming me for things from the past that doesn't matter anyway...

Sorry for the long post...so if someone had a thing similar maybe you can tell me why you think this happened...
 

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I can relate, you’re not at all alone. Sometimes it feels like a constant battle. And trying to stave off that panic makes things feel soooo much worse. I’m going through all of this after about 6 years of being “ok”, so it’s disconcerting. Distraction is huge. And let yourself just feel it and let it pass. I also say mantras to myself like “I’m the same person I’ve always known myself to be, nothing has changed....” and it sometimes helps a little. I’m so sorry you are experiencing this.
 

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Thank you, i'm sorry you go through this too. I still can't believe i've experienced something that extreme...I'm trying to recollect myself but i'm in a blur right now, still in chock.
 

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I know the feeling. It’s like how did I just survive that and how are people able to cope with panic attacks bc they are the most intense things ever...
 

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Exactly. Glad someone can relate to me about this. I feel a bit less 'fucked up' knowing that you feel too like you 'survived' after a panic.

Does it get better for you ? Do you have them often ?
 

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It does get better, but there may still be bumps in the road. It’s taking me a lot of retraining my brain to get through these obsessive thoughts and panic attacks. But yeah, it does help knowing you’re not the only “fucked up” person going through this. Feel free to message me anytime.
 

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Ok, i will. ;-)

Retraining the brain, that's exactly what it is. And your mantra makes sense to me now, important fact to know. Especially now that i'm in doubt of who i am. I'll use it too.

I hope you'll see the end of your suffering soon. You deserve better. Take care.
 
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