[peaceboy23]

I'm still at the beach, and the wedding is over (it was very nice, did not get dp/dr throughout the wedding) and the reception was nice, but that was only good half of the time. The biggest issue remaining is kind of weird, but the most bothersome...I guess the best way to describe it is that I feel like my mind is an open box and i am thinking in air, and I can't close my mind. My real self is there, but there is space over it and I want to shut it, but my mind has this space above it that is taking over or that is preventing me from grabbing onto anything. I am desperately trying to grab thoughts to close the "leakage" in my head, but it's just space there. I also have been freaking out about the fact that I have been wondering how I can have two or three thoughts at the same time. I jumped off the couch today with a little panic rush as I started thinking about my brain and what it looks like, and how it is working and all that crap. I can focus on the present for a while, and things actually seem pretty real now, the DR is much less, and overall the DP, but this remaining thing is one of the worst. Even when I am reading, I seem to have this part of my mind that is always churning away, wondering how I am feeling at that moment. I don't know how to get rid of this back part, becasue I don't seem to have much control over it. I focus on my book, or whatever, but it is stillt here, AS I AM READING, 'what are you feeling, you were feeling like this as you thought you were feeling better, etc etc etc.) also I have the problem that someone mentioned before...I feel good, then realize that I am in the same reality as I was before, but now I feel good, then I didnt'...and it comes back...ugh.

Anyone have any thoughts, and also, I've been noticing a weird feeling. I constantly feel like I am waiting for something to happen...i don't know what, why, where, but it's like I am spending my life waiting for something, and it's something important...is this just anxiety?

 

[yesemina]

Who knows what it is. I experience feelings like this all the time. I felt since I was little that I wasn't real, I couldn't believe that I was a real person. But even more powerful was that there was this feeling that there was always something RIGHT THERE waiting for me to grab...it was like...it was some big unknown - nothing material or tangible - just a sort of recognition of something that was always hovering over me waiting for me to understand it. I've felt that for as long as I can remember as well. It's almost like the inherent knowledge that what I am aware of is only a speck compared to what is actually going on in the world, and that there is just something there i need to investigate and become aware of.

The part of your mind that you mentioned that is always "churning away" and wondering how you're doing, this is the part that always comes back to bite me as well. If you could just shut it off, things would be a lot easier.

All I know is, the human mind is confusing. Knowing other people are out there with this helps, but all in all I still don't really have it figured out - who knows what this DP stuff really is all about. Obviously your mind feeling like an open box and that you want to shut it is the anxiety/DP itself . Even the thought about having 2 or 3 thoughts at the same time. It relieves me to read that in a way, because I had a lot of thoughts/feelings come to me similar to that which really terrified the crap out of me.

My anxiety comes and goes in waves now, a few days I'll be fine, then there will always be times where I feel like yet again I am going insane and I get panicky. Usually it's triggered by my talking about what happened that triggered my anxiety attacks and intense DP states in the first place, which is why I try not to visit this site often. Best of luck to you, you will be fine!