On the way to recovering....but...

So I'm pretty confident that in some way I'm recovering, and if not then my DP has atleast transformed in to a more tolerable/mild state. I feel totally different than when this all started. Idk if that's a good thing though. It seems as more time goes on I'm further from who I used to be. I know we all change as time goes on. But. Idk. I cant connect to my past self. I still have a lot of mental symptoms. Its like I'm TOO stuck in the moment. Cant look back or forward in my life. Things don't seem to "stick" in my brain or make an impact on my life if that makes sense. It's like my life hasnt had this "continuous" feel to it. It's like when I became dissociated almost 4 months ago I was teleported into a new life.

Idk maybe it's just my brain still protecting me from things that are too painful. Idk. I cant tell if I'm close or still REALLY far away from recovery. I dont really remember what it was like to feel normal, recovered, involved with life. I have small glimpses of what it felt like, but it feels like a reality that will no longer ever exist for me again.

I still cant "relate" to my life. It's like I know facts about my life but my brain wont allow me to connect the emotions to it. Even if it's good things. Also I am able to feel emotion, but only to things in the moment. I dont have emotional memory though. It's pretty scary