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So I'm pretty confident that in some way I'm recovering, and if not then my DP has atleast transformed in to a more tolerable/mild state. I feel totally different than when this all started. Idk if that's a good thing though. It seems as more time goes on I'm further from who I used to be. I know we all change as time goes on. But. Idk. I cant connect to my past self. I still have a lot of mental symptoms. Its like I'm TOO stuck in the moment. Cant look back or forward in my life. Things don't seem to "stick" in my brain or make an impact on my life if that makes sense. It's like my life hasnt had this "continuous" feel to it. It's like when I became dissociated almost 4 months ago I was teleported into a new life.

Idk maybe it's just my brain still protecting me from things that are too painful. Idk. I cant tell if I'm close or still REALLY far away from recovery. I dont really remember what it was like to feel normal, recovered, involved with life. I have small glimpses of what it felt like, but it feels like a reality that will no longer ever exist for me again.

I still cant "relate" to my life. It's like I know facts about my life but my brain wont allow me to connect the emotions to it. Even if it's good things. Also I am able to feel emotion, but only to things in the moment. I dont have emotional memory though. It's pretty scary
 

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What is happening to you is very similar to what happened to me.

It feels like you've been cast off into shark infested waters and are slowly floating away from your old life into a new terrifying abyss.

But it is all illusion. Your old self never left, and as time goes on the layers will fall away. This is what has happened to me since it all came crashing down on top of me 2 years ago. I still do not have emotional memory, and your symptoms list is scary, and a match of my own. But it always improves as time moves on.

The brain wants to be functioning optimally, and all your old abilities are still in there, but the system is currently down and under maintenance. Give yourself rest, Heather. And continue as you are. Every day is one step closer to complete recovery
 
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