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Guest
·Today is my mother's birthday. She's long ago passed away, but I thought I'd write a little something that might help some of you guys who are parents. I know you worry that because of your dp, your kids are somehow "cheated" or that you are failing them, etc.
The truth is, kids accept whoever you are. They will also hate you from time to time, NOT because you have some mental symptoms, but because you won't let them do something, or buy something, or because you are just OLD, and "do not understand!" ...you will be hated for being a Parent, not for being a parent with an illness.
My mother was schizophrenic. We also lived with my grandmother (who was sane, but oh, a bit neurotic, lol)..so she raised me, cared for me, etc... But my mother was there every day, in my life, in my world. Crazy or sane, she was there. She was always kind, or at worst totally unavailable (off in her own mind)...and when she was relatively together, she was brilliant and fascinating (although always pretty odd).
We went to the movies every Sunday - she adored the world of films, and knew just about every single factoid about the "movie stars" that anyone would ever want to know. After the show, we'd go to lunch and she would proceed to analyze the picture nearly frame by frame, lol....she knew "what this character was really thinking..." and who really liked who, who might be having an offscreen affair with whom, etc....she could say "this is where you could see their chemistry, in this scene...you could tell they weren't just acting..."
It was nutty sometimes...but always intriguing. And those conversations taught me to really SEE films, more than just escape into the movies, we watched and analyzed and discussed motivations and character development and what scenes worked and which ones didn't. It was like going to the movies with a psychotic Siskel and Ebert, lol...
From that, I developed a lifelong love of acting..of movies and theatre, and later literature. She was not some intellectual, by a long shot, but the same remnants from our movie discussions later led me into James Joyce and Dostoyevsky...to the greats of literature because there I found more symbolism, and more mind-challenging ideas.
From that, I was totally at home in psychoanalysis - where metaphors are used from literature and mythology and all the arts - symbols and allegories and literary allusions....I found my "calling" (my adored profession) from the same through-line of interest that was started with Mom on rainy Sundays in New Orleans, talking about the latest "picture show."
We give our children parts of ourselves, of our loves and passions and interests. We shape them in ways we both realize and don't.
At any rate, a child can grow up and take the best of their upbringings - and that can come in the form of any kind of parent - sane or psychotic or temporarily impaired by something like DP.
Happy Birthday, Mom. Hope you're up in Heaven with some of your favorite movie stars.
Love,
your daughter, Janine
The truth is, kids accept whoever you are. They will also hate you from time to time, NOT because you have some mental symptoms, but because you won't let them do something, or buy something, or because you are just OLD, and "do not understand!" ...you will be hated for being a Parent, not for being a parent with an illness.
My mother was schizophrenic. We also lived with my grandmother (who was sane, but oh, a bit neurotic, lol)..so she raised me, cared for me, etc... But my mother was there every day, in my life, in my world. Crazy or sane, she was there. She was always kind, or at worst totally unavailable (off in her own mind)...and when she was relatively together, she was brilliant and fascinating (although always pretty odd).
We went to the movies every Sunday - she adored the world of films, and knew just about every single factoid about the "movie stars" that anyone would ever want to know. After the show, we'd go to lunch and she would proceed to analyze the picture nearly frame by frame, lol....she knew "what this character was really thinking..." and who really liked who, who might be having an offscreen affair with whom, etc....she could say "this is where you could see their chemistry, in this scene...you could tell they weren't just acting..."
It was nutty sometimes...but always intriguing. And those conversations taught me to really SEE films, more than just escape into the movies, we watched and analyzed and discussed motivations and character development and what scenes worked and which ones didn't. It was like going to the movies with a psychotic Siskel and Ebert, lol...
From that, I developed a lifelong love of acting..of movies and theatre, and later literature. She was not some intellectual, by a long shot, but the same remnants from our movie discussions later led me into James Joyce and Dostoyevsky...to the greats of literature because there I found more symbolism, and more mind-challenging ideas.
From that, I was totally at home in psychoanalysis - where metaphors are used from literature and mythology and all the arts - symbols and allegories and literary allusions....I found my "calling" (my adored profession) from the same through-line of interest that was started with Mom on rainy Sundays in New Orleans, talking about the latest "picture show."
We give our children parts of ourselves, of our loves and passions and interests. We shape them in ways we both realize and don't.
At any rate, a child can grow up and take the best of their upbringings - and that can come in the form of any kind of parent - sane or psychotic or temporarily impaired by something like DP.
Happy Birthday, Mom. Hope you're up in Heaven with some of your favorite movie stars.
Love,
your daughter, Janine
