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My life is just broken after DP.
I cant do this anymore, my mind is so unbelievably destructive and I am severely depressed (not like I dont want to do anything but I suffer very very badly because I am kind of addicted to suffering). Everything is as it used to be except for my mind. It is so worn out because the 6 months of DP were too much I guess. It is so worn out that I could convince myself that I died when DP hit me in February. There is nothing worse than no symptoms but still irrational thinking. It recently hit me with massive bouts of hopelessness and suicidal thoughts. It feels like I shouldnt be here anymore. 4 months ago I thought suicide was an absurd thing (for me) and even during DP suicide didnt even cross my mind one single time. But it is just pure mental pain. Everything about future is triggering the hell out of me, I cant picture myself in the future anymore, it is so difficult to even hold the place at university, but Ive already decided that I'd drop out. It all changed in July where I had ups and downs but in the beginning of August these intrusive bouts of suicidal thoughts hit me out of the blue and I suddenly became paranoid of time and future... It is not that I dont want to live anymore but my mind doesnt. I feel like I cling so hard to something that wants to die in me. I feel trapped in time and cant relate to it anymore at all. I AM SO ALONE with this, no clear diagnosis but just dumb talking by 2 psychiatrists and one therapist about DP being psychosis. It is a joke. I dont know what to do, I feel like destined to end this shit, though my life should be totally fine. I feel like soon it is 2018 and fear that I will lose myself completely in time because time now is the biggest trigger for me. It is strange...:(

Any suggestions?
 

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it is bad for me too.. in some point i thought i could get my control back but next moment all was even worse than before. i cant even tell anymore what this is. if i think about going to doctor i feel terrible. i feel so much fear. like im in panic 24/7. im somewhere dark and deep. right now i feel here is nothing i can do. peacefullness is very distant thing for me. my whole body is heavy and like im dead. it feels like my heart can just stop. im in total pain. i think this is demon possession. i feel something is torturing me.
 
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