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38 Posts
I feel like without OCD I can't think critically and feel empty inside
I think the main problem of my OCD is and that has been messing with my ever since I was 10 is the fact that if I try to not give in and not do compulsions or obsess in my head about what is bothering me, I feel like I am not able to think hard about things if that makes any sense. Basically at this point my obsessions can trigger about anything, be it what are emotions, why do people do things, why do people have different opinions from me and things like that. Well if I try to not let my compulsions rule me I feel like I can't think about anything seriously or for a length of time. It's like my brain turns off and I can't have opinions about anything. It makes me feel like I have the IQ of a toddler at times. I try not to give serious thouhts to anything any more because when I do I will turn it into an obsession.
It's been like that since I was 10 years old and I'm 27 now. I literally do not have any other way of functioning. I have been living in my head all these years. So whenever I try not to give in I feel depersonalized, empty and stupid. Is this how I'm always going to be from now on? Even if I cure my OCD have I done unrepairable damage to my brain? I don't feel human. I don't know what it is like to feel human. I also have either very weak or non existent emotions ever since the OCD began. I don't feel strong happiness or sadness. Every other emotion is non existant. I don't feel love or anger over anything. I always had to pretend like I do to my family and friends. And I intellectually know it is bad and sometimes feel mild guilt but it never lasts long.
I feel like I have to have the worst case of ocd ever. It has robbed me of my humanity and I just feel like a robot going through the motions.
I think the main problem of my OCD is and that has been messing with my ever since I was 10 is the fact that if I try to not give in and not do compulsions or obsess in my head about what is bothering me, I feel like I am not able to think hard about things if that makes any sense. Basically at this point my obsessions can trigger about anything, be it what are emotions, why do people do things, why do people have different opinions from me and things like that. Well if I try to not let my compulsions rule me I feel like I can't think about anything seriously or for a length of time. It's like my brain turns off and I can't have opinions about anything. It makes me feel like I have the IQ of a toddler at times. I try not to give serious thouhts to anything any more because when I do I will turn it into an obsession.
It's been like that since I was 10 years old and I'm 27 now. I literally do not have any other way of functioning. I have been living in my head all these years. So whenever I try not to give in I feel depersonalized, empty and stupid. Is this how I'm always going to be from now on? Even if I cure my OCD have I done unrepairable damage to my brain? I don't feel human. I don't know what it is like to feel human. I also have either very weak or non existent emotions ever since the OCD began. I don't feel strong happiness or sadness. Every other emotion is non existant. I don't feel love or anger over anything. I always had to pretend like I do to my family and friends. And I intellectually know it is bad and sometimes feel mild guilt but it never lasts long.
I feel like I have to have the worst case of ocd ever. It has robbed me of my humanity and I just feel like a robot going through the motions.
