Hey , don't be ashamed ,, or anything like that, but you know the fact that you FEEL ashamed or guilty or whatever.. tells you that this is reality.
I get going in circles on the questioning and self monitoring and the fear that the next breath may be the last in the real world, but you know what , it never happens, psychosis never comes, I don't completely disappear , The fear is the thing keeping us locked in. The likely hood of any of us going "CRAZY" or "Psychotic" Or Disappearing from reality is almost non existant. What risk our we willing to live with. I could go the Shrink every day and have him tell me I'm fine and that I would believe for about 3 to 4 hours and then I am right back.
But don't beat yourself up... Try to live for this moment. I keep saying hey if I was to go crazy can worrying about it stop it, IF I am not real , I can sure have a good time some how..
I want that connection back too and I believe it will come... There must be some issues yet for me to work out. But it will come.
Hang in there people, it will get better....