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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Im constantly wondering myself. And life. And thinking it cannotbe like this. This is not how it is suppose to be. I feel i never go forward. I think thisworld has proven memytime is over here. I dont feel belonging anymore. I think in some point i waz nearof recovery but failed and now im rewrriting my past. Summer is coming and i really cant do this.
 

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Discussion Starter · #2 ·
I feel like i cannot accept better state. Because somehow i feel i need clear solutions. I have to suffet these same things over and over agin... Because i need asnwers
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Maybe i try find something to fix because i dont see better.because i belive its not true. Then im probably just faking.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
I can be like regular human. Just going. But still feeling fearful. Still feeling uncertan. Not right. Feeling nothing. But at the same time heres other side. Which is my messy inside world. Heres lots of anger. Frustration. Jealousy. I cannot put these together. I cannot find solutions. I cannot find my own voice. Even if i think i found it i still believe its not true. I can fake these. I can fake everything but im sick of it. I should be somewhere else. I should be gone. And im starting to cry.
 

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But now ofc im starting to think its truly me who is crying. Im probably gone so faraway from truth that its never possible to find solution. I cannot accept this suffering. Even little hit in my human psyche will distroy everything
I hear random words in my head. I think im so dissociated that i dont even realise those are my own thoughts. My whole life is build by those random thoughts im having. And awful shame im feeling. I feel so naked. Who am i? I wanna remember.i wanna remember my life. I wanna let go of this pain. I wanna wake up. But right now i dont feel so because heres so much heaviness. So much negativity. And fear. Thats why i wanna keep myself safe and stay home. And believe me. Even if i go somewhere it doesent mean i face myself. It doesent mean i somehow get my memory back. No. It makes me feel even more fear. And i can just grow that fear so much.. Just because i think it gonna take it away. But it never does.
 
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