[Depersonalized]

As older and older I get I more understand that my whole life is a big f**ing mess. Nothing is right. I feel like I was born on the wrong planet or something. I can't enjoy things that most people take pleasure in. I can't even get a girlfriend because I don't feel like I need one, some part of me wants and some part tells me that I ll lose something, since when I had a gf I became attached to some feeling I did not like. I hate myself for wanting things such as drugs, sex and alcohol. I hate myself for being human. Even though my DP is way less now or I can just ignore it for most of the time I still feel like crap. I hate everyone and myself for being imperfect, I can't stand the way this world runs, lies money and sex. All humans in my eyes are walking pieces of meet, I no longer see any identity in them, they are like pests to me. Sometimes I feel like getting AK47 and walking into some public place spraying everything with it and sometimes I feel 100% that is a right thing to do. I don't know maybe I am just going insane or sane... f*ck I don't know anymore....

so I was just wondering why do we all live?

 

[mcsiegs]

Sometimes I feel like getting AK47 and walking into some public place spraying everything with it and sometimes I feel 100% that is a right thing to do.

If you are serious about what you just wrote there, you need to get help IMMEDIATELY, or one of us needs to turn you in. You should really know better than to post something like this on this board.

Harming people is NEVER the answer. YOu turned to this board for help from people, so you obviously see some good in people if you look to them for help.

My advice - get immediate help (and I mean now) about your homicidal feelings. There are enough killings in the news.

 

[Monkeydust]

Calm down, Calm down. (scouser accent)

Seriously, I'm pretty sure the guy is not being literal in the least.

Hell, most of the people I know are willing to joke about such things. None are psychopaths (well...perhaps a few).

Depersonalized, are you depressed? Or would you say you thought this is just how you are normally?

 

[Martinelv]

As older and older I get I more understand that my whole life is a big f**ing mess. Nothing is right

Indeed. I'm sure most people feel like this from time to time. Especially people who have been mentally ill for a lenghty period of time. I know I do. But it's not you saying this - it's your frustration, your anger at being in this mess. The world is really quite beautiful, full of opportunities for excitement, love, achievement etc. It's tempting to say fuck-it-all and go and do something that you think might right all the ills in the world, but that's not the solution. The solution is continuing to fight against your illness and slip back into the real world that you might learn to enjoy.

However deep the pit you are in, remember to look up and see the ***** of light at the top...remember....

 

[agentcooper]

i don't really think mcsiegs is overreacting. that didn't really sound like a joking post...in fact it sounded quite serious. its not like stuff like that hasn't happened in the world before.

depersonalized, you need to go talk to a psychiatrist about these feelings you are having. they are not normal, even for someone who is depressed.

 

[Scattered]

Sometimes when I'm angry and full of rage I feel like baking cupcakes and spreading love and joy to all of humanity around me.

 

[agentcooper]

look, all i'm saying is that most of us don't want to take our rage and anger out by taking an " AK47 and walking into some public place spraying everything with it "...those are homicidal thoughts and i don't believe they are normal.

 

[sebastian]

Sometimes when I'm angry and full of rage I feel like baking cupcakes and spreading love and joy to all of humanity around me.

You lunatic!

 

[mcsiegs]

Agentcooper and I are on the same page with this. I joined this forum to help and be helped. While I still want to help this person, wanting to shower people with bullets from an AK47 is a scary post. Saying things like that out in public will land you in jail.

Now, if it was a joke, some jokes just aren't funny. But, if it wasn't a joke, please call your psych today, and make sure you continue to take your meds

 

[sebastian]

On this other internet forum i used to belong to which was for foreign teachers, some guy posted about how he molested some of his female students, or offered them money for sexual services, as a kind of joke. The site admin. immediately and publicly posted the guy's IP address and someone else contacted the authorities. This guy went into very meticulous detail about the incident and it certainly sent off some alarm bells for anyone reading it.

I think the difference between that and the whole AK-47 statement is that one is specific enough to warrant a closer look, whereas the other is a general expression of rage. I mean, seriously, who hasn't felt like picking up an assault rifle and mowing down a bunch of innocent civilians? No, wait. That came out wrong. What i meant to say is, Who hasn't used hyperbole to express a general feeling of malcontent?

I think it has to be put into context. I don't think Depersonalized truly meant that, but then how the hell would i know. In any case, you probably shouldn't post things like that DPized, unless you qualify them with a hypothetical preface or something. Where am i going here...I just reread the post and actually it is a little iffy. Mcsiegs is right. You should truly get help if you have homicidal feelings like that, and immediately, at that. I mean obviously there's a difference between feeling these things and actually committing an act of violence (a MAJOR difference, clearly), but all the same, your post does have an ominous tinge to it. I don't know. We should have more debates like this on here though.

In response to the original topic, i have to say that i sympathize but, at the risk of sounding trite, i have to wonder how much of that hatred isn't dissatisfaction with oneself, masquerading as hatred of the rabble. I'm coming to terms with that whole issue myself these days, which is why i suggest it.

 

[agentcooper]

i'm sure part of the reason he posted it was for attention....but it is still very disturbing that someone would think like that.

 

[Depersonalized]

Agentcooper and I are on the same page with this. I joined this forum to help and be helped. While I still want to help this person, wanting to shower people with bullets from an AK47 is a scary post. Saying things like that out in public will land you in jail.

Now, if it was a joke, some jokes just aren't funny. But, if it wasn't a joke, please call your psych today, and make sure you continue to take your meds

Expressing how I feel will land me in jail? haha :lol: what a load of bs...
What about all those artists that promote murder and destruction in their songs and happily release their albums under different record labels, are they all already in jail?

Well anyway no one really answered my question...

 

[sebastian]

Saying things like that out in public will land you in jail.

Expressing how I feel will land me in jail? haha :lol:...

Well, now, keep in mind that mcsiegs is in America, where that kind of thing might very well happen. :wink:

 

[maria]

[Well anyway no one really answered my question...[/quote]

Well well. I am living out of curiosity, maybe something good will come in my way someday. If you don't see that as an option for a long time, then something's wrong with you. Though at this state of mind I have to quote mr. Williams, I don't wanna die, but I'm not keen of living eitheeeerr....

 

[mcsiegs]

What about all those artists that promote murder and destruction in their songs and happily release their albums under different record labels, are they all already in jail?

Well anyway no one really answered my question...

Ok - now that you have become defensive and mentioned rap artists lyrics, I can only surmise that your original comment about the AK47 was meant for attention, as this is what rap artists also want when they write these lyrcis...well, that and cash.

Peace, Depersonalized.

Anyway, about your original question. We all live for the same reason, which is unknown to us in this life. However, we CHOOSE TO KEEP LIVING (different than why we live) because we feel as though we provide some good to other people in the world, and we feel as though we serve a purpose (whether good or bad). At times when things feel hopeless, our choice to live is at its most flexible, but when we get by the hopeless times, our choice to live becomes even more stable because we are stronger.

 

[Scattered]

I live because I don't feel like there is any other viable option. Or I could say more accurately, I live because I fear death.

And about the AK47 comment. I don't know if it was meant for attention so much as it was an extreme description of anger. It was meant for expression, to show how he felt. And yes, there are plenty of authors, music artists, etc who make their living off of describing murder, rape, torture, etc. Some of it is BS some of it is valid expression. It doesn't mean that a person is psychotic or is actually going to do any of the things described.

 

[Depersonalized]

What about all those artists that promote murder and destruction in their songs and happily release their albums under different record labels, are they all already in jail?

Well anyway no one really answered my question...

Ok - now that you have become defensive and mentioned rap artists lyrics, I can only surmise that your original comment about the AK47 was meant for attention, as this is what rap artists also want when they write these lyrcis...well, that and cash.

Peace, Depersonalized.

Anyway, about your original question. We all live for the same reason, which is unknown to us in this life. However, we CHOOSE TO KEEP LIVING (different than why we live) because we feel as though we provide some good to other people in the world, and we feel as though we serve a purpose (whether good or bad). At times when things feel hopeless, our choice to live is at its most flexible, but when we get by the hopeless times, our choice to live becomes even more stable because we are stronger.

I despise and don't listen to rap... :x

 

[Guest]

What about all those artists that promote murder and destruction in their songs and happily release their albums under different record labels, are they all already in jail?

Ok - now that you have become defensive and mentioned rap artists lyrics

Where?

 

[Kelson12]

Why does it just have to be rap??? I hate when people think rap is the only music that mentions murder, drugs, etc. Last time I checked Heavy Metal sure didn't talk about Carebears and pudding snacks! Holla.

 

[mcsiegs]

I owe a couple apologies.

1. First, my bad for putting "rap" lyrics in there, which was really stupid and a horrible assumption. As Kelson12 said, there are many other types of music that have these words in them. I listen to hard rock, and the lyrics definitely can have there share of violence.

2. Second, I apologize to Depersonalized. I may have overreacted with your post. No hate intended at all. I know we all have our problems. I just don't want to see DP or DR get the best of anyone. There is hope.

Please accept my apologies. I hope you are doing well, and hope that you are getting your questions answered.

Hey - I have a mental illness, too, so I am allowed a couple screw ups on this forum, right?