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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
seriously, ive done everything that can be done, really. Meds, Therapy, Positive Thinking, Exercise, Doing Positive Things, Expressing myself more, Avoiding Drug & Alcohol use, and there really isn't much improvement. Im still a fuckin messs. Im still a fuckin scum bag who does illegal shit, Im still in the streets, i barely give a fuck about school, No steady girlfriend. Music isn't goin anywhere. Life fuckin sucks.......... Im sorry to be this pessimistic but its the damn harsh reality of this fuckin situation. Most of you need to realize this, or maybe most of you can't and thats part of your problem. I dunno, I mean I hardly ever post here anymore. I like live on the line of positive & negative. But I still feel weird, still have fuckin visual disturbances, still depressed & anxious. I SWEAR ITS IMPOSSIBLE. I might as well kill myself......... What is the point of living in this hell. This world is fuckin cold man, it really is. One of My best friends is in jail, and ive seen & been through some fucked up things over the past few months. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, I just want it to end.

But It won't, the stress won't let up, the depression, it just won't go away. No matter if im livin, negative or positive. Only reason i haven't put a gun to my head is because of my family and the little hope that theres a chance I will begin to feel better, but im loosing that hope.

I don't want fuckin sympathy, I just thought, I should let you guys know that after a year plus, I still feel miserable.
 
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Discussion Starter · #2 ·
Bro,

I feel you man. Really. However, AT LEAST you are sane, and are not having major paranoid delusions like myself... You think your world is messed up?? Try stepping in mine. I won't go into the details, but I think that after 5 minutes in my head, you would realize that your life is not that bad :lol: At least you've got some sort of reality...

But, I guess we all think we've got it the worst....

Here's the deal. You're obviously a smart guy. You've tried a lot of different stuff. Nothing seems to be working.

I've been there. At the edge of sanity. I live there 24/7, my mind so gone, that I don't even know if any of this is real or not. Not wanting to live, wanting all the bad feelings to stop. In a nutshell, it sucks bigtime...

I think that you really have to get some sh*t off your back. It seems like you've got a ton of stuff weighing you down, rightfully so. And, from my knowledge the only way to deal with that stuff is to 1) Talk about it. 2) Understand how it affects you, and 3) Learn how to cope with it, and change the way it affects you. Seems simple and stupid, but from what I hear, it works wonders.

I know therapy might seem like a crock of crap, and I'm sure you've probably tried a bunch of different therapists, etc., but keep looking. It might take a while to find someone you're comfortable enough with to really dig deep and get to the root of all that crap.

Or, maybe it might take a little while longer with your current therapist, etc.

Look at someone like Janine. We both know that she went through hell, but she never gave up. It took her a while, but she got through her issues, and then some. It depends how far you're willing to go to get that life you deserve.

Peace,

Jon

BTW- I've had hppd majorly for the past 3 years, and I never even touched a drug. Major visual disturbances. I get flashes of light, visual snow, floaters, ghost trails, vibrationg vision, etc. It is a real pain in the ass, but I hear it lessens with time...
 

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hi soul

sorry to hear you're still messed up- i presumed you'd improved as you're not on the board much. i may be wrong but it seems to me that your environment isn't helping your mental state. is there no way that you can have a go at living somewhere else for a while? i know finance etcs probably a problem but it might be worth a try- might give you a break.
 

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Life, the universe and everything is hard and pretty ridiculous. Don't have any other philosophical or psychological ideas so I'll just talk about myself. I would have it just fine with having food and shelter which is more than millions of other people. But if I could just get rid of this thing that ruins everything. It makes me hate myself and everything in this world even though I don't want to. I might as well be like this for the rest of my life, I?m not denying that. So what?s the point? Maybe there is none. I just want to become dp free. It can be a long shot since nothing, med's, exercise or therapy works but I'm going to wait till I die. Hope I didn?t offer you any f--- sympathy here.
 
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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
im feeling horrible right now

im stricken with a ton of anxiety, and i don't know what to do
 
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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
lol 8 years wooo hooo i cant wait to have dp for that long its gonna be sooo fun!! fuck this shit
 
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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
enigma said:
Johnny_Utah said:
lol 8 years wooo hooo i cant wait to have dp for that long its gonna be sooo fun!! f--- this sh*t
I hate to say this, Johnny...but I've had it for 27.

e
well i guess i know what to expect for the future
 

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You guys are forgetting about the OTHER half of DPers who recover within a few years or even a few months.

Everybody is different.

How long it takes you to recover depends on how long your'e going to wait to really let all your secrets out into the open and be honest and not hide things and trust people...
 
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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
How long it takes you to recover depends on how long your'e going to wait to really let all your secrets out into the open and be honest and not hide things and trust people...
Yes and thats gonna take time and lots of hard work and patience and commitment to wanting to work.
And you have to be some kind of ready for dealing with certain stuff. If not youre gonna have to be patient until the time comes you are ready to deal with it. Ive noticed that things cant be forced, but making a start is the first thing to do.
 
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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
Enigma,

I didn't mean to sound critical. It's just that that all sounds like so much..............
I got it that you sighed about that, because it is all so much. I didnt feel criticized, I thought your reply was funny. I understand the Sigh..lol
 

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my frustration of dp especially is growing by the second...

i am busy all day everyday but that does not help the dp or dr...i focus outwardly as possible and just try and live...not think about living just LIVE!

but none of this seems to help...

i have tried so damn much in the time i have had this (only 9 months now) but NOTHING seems to connect me to myself in the slightest...

when i just try and relax and read a book i cannot help but ask why i am doing it...and how i am understanding the words and all that kind of thing!!!

i just have no idea what to do anymore...

and even when i am so busy that i do not have time to think about dp/dr it does not go away!

still nothing feels right...

i have no idea what to do anymore...and even when i do know what i am doing it does not feel like me doing it!

i hate this...i really hate this so very much...i just want to get on...
 
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