[Television]

So this summer I've been going through a rather difficult time. I had had dr (and i have come to realize i didnt really have dp) for about two years or so, and i had been able to drink alcohol and smoke pot and everything, but then, in the second semester of my freshmen year (six months ago) I came home for the spring break, went to hag out with a friend, smoked a small amount fof pot, and had what i now recognize as a three hour dr panic attack. that was fun. As i look back, the panicking was definitely a way of bringing up issues that i'd been ignoring, and I've been going through a really difficult time this summer dealing with both the issues and the greatly increased dr and new dp that came along with it. Anyways, i was having what i thought was an existential crisis about a month and a half ago, thinking about things like "what does succes mean to me and what is fulfillment, blah blah blah," and then, in a therapy session, i started describing this to my therapist, and i told her i'd been thinking of things like "what is life and existence," and all of the suddden, i just had this vivid moment of realizing that i had never thought in depth about what humans are, how we got here, what existence and reality was, and it all just flooded in, and of course, freaked me out a bit. I thinkit's easier for people who are experiencing life normally to think of these things, but when we feel so disconnected already, it's rather hard to cope. So anyways, it subsided a bit too a reasonable level, and lately, thanks to increased anxiety due to going bback to college in a week, these thoughts have come back, along with some new ones. It just makes it so hard to go on living normally when you just have no idea what living actually is and what life is. So i thought that i'd watch "what the bleep do we know," maybe to relate to somebody (if you don't know, it's a documentary that deals with existentialism and quantum physics), and i got thirty minutes in. I had to turn it off, and that was ten minutes ago. now the thoughts are back really strong. if anyone can relate or tell me their own experiences with this, it would really be appreciated. Everyone iknow who's gone through something like this says that the intensity of the thoughts subside after some time, but right now it seems sooo diffficult to even think asbout living normally again. sorry for the length, this is my first post (relating to my dr/dp specifically).