Depersonalization Support Forum banner
1 - 1 of 1 Posts

· Registered
1 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hello everyone. I only just found this place yesterday but I've been reading several of the posts and I think maybe I'm experiencing this condition. This is all new to me so I suppose I should explain my situation.

I'm a 44 year old woman and about a year to 9 months ago I seemingly woke up one day and felt like something was very weird and different but I had no idea what it was. I kept going on and this feeling persisted and grew in intensity. I felt as if I were walking through a dream and things looked bigger around me and brighter and almost surreal. I had this sense that my life wasn't actually real but I didn't understand why I felt that way. But I still kept going on even if I found myself suddenly becoming irresponsible in areas of my life where I never would have been before.

And then I started to notice that my personality had completely changed. I was suddenly very outgoing and extroverted whereas in all my years I've never been that way. At all. Fears I use to have completely vanished. I stopped worrying about every tiny aspect of my life. I bought different foods because suddenly I didn't like my usual favorites but craved foods I've never tried before. My favorite color changed from purple as it had been for at least 30 years to blue. A color I never cared much for. Yet I kept gravitating to that color. I used to spend my entire days sitting on a computer surfing the net or writing which has always been my entire reason for living mostly. There was not a single day in the last 20 years that I have not sitten at that computer, yet one day I forgot to use it. And then I never went back again. I moved and left the computer and the desk behind and didn't care. I'm typing this on my phone.

I used to be a vivid dreamer and kept journals since when I was a kid. I stopped dreaming entirely. I'm suddenly using my left hand for most things when I'm supposed to be right handed. This list goes on extensively.

But the most unexplainable thing happened in this time as well. I've always been very overweight for my adult life. Nothing ever worked for me to lose weight and I tried my entire life including being nearly anorexic for awhile in my youth. I worked out. I walked miles. I'd lose a bit but always gain it right back. But in this time period I woke up again and felt my body and I noticed my fat was missing. I was so confused and didn't really believe it but then people started asking me what was wrong with me. How did I lose so much weight so incredibly fast? It took me about a month of people telling me this before I bought a scale. I had somehow lost 81 pounds and I didn't even notice at all. I don't even know how it happened yet I've never felt better in my life. I'm not sick. The weight just fell off somehow.

People keep telling me I'm not the same. I don't look the same. I don't act the same. My vibe is totally different. Im not the only one who feels it. My depression that I've suffered with my entire life has vanished. My crippling anxiety is minimal and situational rather than an overwhelming cloud on me all the time. I no longer drink alcohol when I used to be dependent on it. I just have no taste or desire for it suddenly.

But the part about all this that's actually troubling me is that I've forgotten about 15 years of my life entirely. It's as if it never even happened. From about the time I was 30 til about nine months ago is totally blank for the most part. I know certain things that occurred but not when and no details. Other things are just gone completely. However I recall childhood perfectly. But the things I remember seem to have happened to someone else. Not me. I have no emotions regarding these memories anymore. Even my worst traumas and my happiest moments mean nothing really. I look at old photos and either have no memory of the event or I no longer feel sentimental about the lost moment in time. As a result of this stuff I feel like my son and my brother are strangers to me. I love them but it's more because I know I need to rather than how I feel inside.

I used to be the most sentimental person in the world and I had a photographic memory. That's all gone now. The only person I fee like I know and who I feel real emotions for is my fiancé. But we were a fairly new couple when this weird stuff began happening so I actually came to know and love him after it occurred. Whereas people I loved before that hold little emotion for me now. That is what kills me.

I don't know if any specific trigger for this thing in my life except my husband left me, I got divorced, my son dropped out of school, my mother got cancer and passed away, my stepfather passed away a few months later. I was hit with all of these things in less than two years. But I was fine. Or so I thought. This problem didn't happen until a year after my mother died. But maybe something snapped finally?

I am sorry this epic length but I actually have a ton more things to say so I will stop now. You guys get the situation. I know with some things people can relate but I feel as if other aspects of my situation are really weird. I'd love some input. Thank you.
1 - 1 of 1 Posts
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.