It doesn't matter if you belive in God or not. God has gave us dead as a gift. If you don't belive this is like you don't belive in dead. Its there and some day it will give us a very soft joy, that we will no suffer anymore. I have think too, that I have commited the worst of the sins, and that I don't deserve heaven. But you know what, at the beggining I just wanted not to dye beacuse I thought I was going to hell, so I force myself to gain nothingness when I dye.Then I worked to reencarnate to make things better when I born again. But then I told myself, well I don't have to reencarnate I still have some time left in this life, and now Im working to gain heaven. If there is a thought that give me pace and put me out of a panic attac that is dead. You know how wonderfull that day will be. I will be so, so happy. Because I know I am not going to suffer once I am dead. I don't want to reencarnate neaither, so Im looking to enlightment. Let me expalin you how I see dead with my infomarmation and others. The fisical body is the most dense part of God, fisical body have spirit, remembers and thoughts, but when you dye you will not have fisical body, so you don't have brain, brain makes thoughts and hold remembers in the fisical body. So you will not have thoughts neither remembers, you will be all spirit and conciousness. So you will not suffer as we do here. We will not suffer at all if we dye well. There are many ways to dye so we can divide after life in groups. God is all good. God do not make mistakes. You are not a mistake you are juts paying all your sins and very soon you will be out of that suffering and when you dye if you acept God's will you will be in his hands and you will suffer no more. You are paying your carmas, karmas what ever. And you will be happy the next life because you are suffering here, paying here. Its better belive in something, and accepting some kind of reality. If you can't belive this because you think you are already death as I thought. Well if you are death guess what. You will not get old. And give to yourselg 10 years maybe 20 if you don't see any diference then you are really death. And if you are really dead well just ask God to take you with him/her. If he/she doesn't take you maybe you are alive yet. In the mean time, ask God to give you peace, and forgive you for all your sins and that you will not commit them anymore. If you don't belive in God, try to gain controll of your fisical body so when you dye you will control afterdeath. Peace to all of you. Be happy my days are months right now! I am so happy for that. And don't take your life away, God will give it naturally or death will come naturally. Its a gift and you juts gain dead with suffer. My clear thoughts be with you and when you sleep call the angels of light of God, ask them to take you with them when you sleep and bring you back when you woke up!