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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi,

I just realize that (sadly), I am not even happy when we have a sunny day. Before I would say ; yes! A sunny day, I will go out, walk, etc. etc. I was so happy before, was happy to let the work at 5 PM and enjoy my evenings.

Now I don't work and there is a sunny day, and I know I will feel awful to take a walk. And I PREDICT I will always feel awful and there will be no more sunny days where I won't think about derealization anymore... It's so sad, it's like I have predicted that even if I work, I will be unhappy and stay dr for the rest of my life, and DP because I don't know what I like in life anymore and what I would love to do.

I HATE existential thoughts like that. Please someone say to me something really positive even if it's false. :( Serious can someone tell me one day the derealization and depression will go away and I will think like before, be happy with who I am and my little life? And feel THERE?

Thanks for your positive posts.

C xxx
 

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Cynthia,

I know it seems that you have gone too far in this mess to ever feel happy again. I felt the same. But you are never too far away from feeling better or even 'normal' again. You will find your way back and once you see that is is possible, the ball will start rolling.

This is 'positive' and I can promise you is not 'false'.

But...

Why would hearing something you think may be false make you feel better? You are so desperate to hear something positive, you wouldn't mind if I made all the above up? I could tell you until I was blue in the face something positive everyday. And I would, if I had the time and I thought it would help you. And because it is easy for me to say it. I really would, because you deserve to feel better.

You actually admitted that it doesn't matter to you that these reassurances are real or false. No wonder our reassurances don't help you, you already have decided it might all be lies.

I think once YOU can prove to yourself it is possible, you may just believe it. You need to find a way to do that, because we can't change the way you feel right now. We can be here for you and to support you though, so please don't think I am telling you to shut up! Because like I said, there are many people here who like you enough to spend all day telling you you will be ok, but there is a reason that they don't.

Take care!

Love your hamster!
Gx
 
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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Thanks G-Funk,

I said to say something positive even if it's false, just because I know that there are other negative folks like me here :)

I know I have to trust myself. It' so hard. I think I read too much other's stories and immerse myself in those stories and think I will, like them, have some 25 years of dp/dr. I know it's not me, but I made up this fear since 2 years.

And when I have anxiety moments like this one, all I want to know is that the sun will shine for me again.

Thanks for your post, I know you're right.

C xxx
 

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I like what I think I remember Janine saying in her book, loosely paraphrased, that the depression//dp/dr has taken over your perception and thinking. Your thoughts are in the context of depression/dr/dp. They are the "glass darkly" you are looking through. Reality is who Cynthia is in essence and life is much greater and bigger than your symtpoms. Maybe if it is ever possible to compartmentalize the two (reality and our nagging symptoms) and realize "it is only a movie" that we do not lose track of our real lives and who we really are. Yes symptoms are real too but they do not have the validity that the good things in life do. I maybe am jsut blowing smoke here, but it kind of has me thinking. It is ironic that I read your post right after I came back inside becasue it is so sunny out today. I many times feel "incongrous" on sunny days. They actually make me feel nervous. It is as if I "should" be out and smiling and having fun on this glorious sunny day. But my symptoms tell me I can't. Maybe these frigging symptoms are lying to us. Reality is that sunny days show life and lots of vitamins. Symtpoms show isolation and dog turds. To heck with it...I am going back outside...right now.
jft
 

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Oh god when I first read about DP it was like reading my own death sentence. No, a death sentence would bring relief, it was like being given a life of torture. It's funny, because since feeling better, I can read all the same articles again and they seem different - like I was reading them with crazy glasses on or something - I only saw the negatives.

Unfortunately many success stories come with a substantial fee to pay to learn stuff we already know. It makes us immediately doubtful as to their authenticity. And we get knocked back down when we realise they can't help us.

It is not a death sentence, you will not feel like this forever. Now I know this to be true, it is easy for me to read about dp in a more objective way. There are many people who have recovered/are recovering. Take advice from them, and quit looking up the negative stuff on the internet etc!

I would do all my 'negative research' in secret. Feed my obsession with it, thinking that if I could know every worst possible outcome, then I would be prepared. Unfortunately, once in a negative state of mind, your 'chemicals' are only likely to allow you to produce more negative scenarios or viewpoints in your mind. Hence, you will not be able to 'think' your way out of something, and focusing outwards is the only thing that will work, in order to get your brain functioning normally again.
 

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Yes jft, or another way to put it,
it is not the 'world' that is depressed, it is just you at the moment

it is a comfort, in a strange way
 
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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
OH, man, I've created a couple of psychoanalytic monsters, lol

(gfunk and jft)

And...you're both entirely correct!

Love,
J
 
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