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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hello,

I hope everyone had a great day. I would like to take a "poll" or something very similiar to it. After reading some posts I noticed that people are saying things like "Living with DP will really get better", or "I am learning to live with DP, and "My DP lifestyle is really improving". My interpretations of these statements might not be exact but I really don't think that we have to "Live with DP/DR" or make it a part of our lives, maybe I am playing around with semantics here a little to much, but I really do feel that DP/DR has no place in anyone's life and it should only be considered a temporary problem.

Thanks for reading,

Zach
 
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Discussion Starter · #2 ·
reading the words DP/DR is starting to become sickening to me

its all the same thing over & over again
 

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zpgrimm said:
--but I really do feel that DP/DR has no place in anyone's life and it should only be considered a temporary problem.
Oh no Zach, I have felt DP/DR for 15 years' time and I'm only 29 years old. That means it has been one year more with DP/DR than without it. I hope anybody else would feel like you, but personally I hardly feel that I would get rid of DP/DR anymore. Too long-term for me... I hope this didn't sound offensive, just my little thoughts about my case. I just can't see this issue is just a temporary problem for me, as it has existed so long a time...
 
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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
I have felt DP/DR for 15 years' time and I'm only 29 years old.
holy crap. 15 years? Doesn't it bug you? Or is it just how your life is now... I can't even imagine 15 years. What does it feel like for you...
 
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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Well, What kind of therapy have you been doing and what types of medications have you been on, You are very brave to live with this for around fifteen years, are you looking to get out of it anytime soon. How was it induced?, I just dont really understand how you can live with this for fifteen years, is it chronic or is it more of an "attack" that happens once in awhile. Sorry so many questions are being asked, I just cant understand how you can live with this condition for so long.

????,

Zach
 

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Yikes, lots of questions... My DP/DR started, when I was 14-yr-old - some mornings I noticed a feeling, like I was still asleep while awake. In the beginning I could count on the fact that next morning I would feel things normally again, cuz at first the unreal feeling either diminished during the day or diasppeared for the next morning. But after some time it happened that the isolated feeling (like I had invisible icy walls around me) became persistent, and I could do nothing to get it disappear. A couple of first years with DP/DR were quite unpleasant, and I read all the stuff in the library that might help my condition (e.g. psychological literature, Zen buddhism...)

After some time I finally started doubting that maybe I have just imagined this isolating icy wall surrounding me and this was my normal state, which has always been like that. But finally I knew my doubts were wrong because of one wierd experience alone in nature, when I was 17 years. It had rained, and there was a little pool in the street. Just for my amusement I started washing my face in that pool, at the same time suggesting myself that I was still 4-yr-old at my grandparents' farm, and everything else after that was just a grey, dismal dream. And a miracle happened - for a fleeting moment I was totally there without any icy wall! The "flash" lasted only about two seconds, but it was enough to remind me that life had been different for me in my past and I really suffer depersonalization, haven't just imagined it.

After that I have experienced only one similar kind of flash moment, in which I have felt life totally real without DP/DR - I was 24 years and was candyflipping (i.e. dropping Ecstasy and LSD) with my boyfriend and his friend in nature. Somehow for a fleeting moment I felt the other guys weren't threatening and was able to experience life without the icy wall - but only for a couple of seconds' time again, no longer. After that the icy wall returned, and though I experienced many beautiful things on the trip, e.g. hundreds of migrating ladybirds lieing on the sea shore, I didn't experience any other true moment.

When I was younger, I got severe depression because of DP/DR, and have experienced also unpleasant things about six years ago, which gave me PTSD (my former boyfriend beat me many times and still I lived with him for a year). That's why I got acute psychotic breakdown, which was diagnosed Borderline. It was such a lucky thing I happened to get right meds, and because of antidepressant Remeron 30 mg (mirtazapin) I finally could say I didn't suffer depression anymore. Also I was prescribed antipsychotic Peratsin (perphenazine) which lifted me from psychosis. Later I got extrapyramidal side effects cuz of Peratsin, and the med was changed to Zyprexa 10 mg (olanzapine). Some years before the psychotic breakdown I had tried antidepressants Aurorix (moclobemide) and Fluoxetin Generics (fluoxetin), but they were of no help for my depression.

I could say Remeron saved my life, as I am no longer depressed and can study well without difficulties at the moment. Though the meds haven't affected in no way to my constant feeling of DP/DR, which never wears off, but it doesn't disturb me anymore like it did when I was younger. I have somehow used to this unreal feeling, and although I know there would be a different way to feel life, it doesn't bother me anymore. Currently I'm seeking for psychotherapy via Finnish Student Health Service, I'm looking forward it, cuz I hope if it might help with my childhood issues, which I think are the main cause for my DP/DR (I was constantly mocked during my comprehensive school time and also my mother was practically alcoholic, when I was 6-9-yr-old). Let's see...

I don't feel I should need to find a way out of depersonalization anymore, because I can live with it nowadays. I enjoy dancing at rave parties, drawing and planning my scifi comic, my boyfriend's (and our cute cavies' :) ) company and studying. Although there's always that invisible wall separating me from my surroundings, it doesn't block me from feeling happiness. Of course it would be wonderful if I someday would become DP/DR free - that would be one of the best things that might ever happen to me. But I have learned to live with DP/DR, and I have come to the conclusion that I will live like it would be always in my life, but don't let it bother me anymore. I guess this is the best thing to do, because in that case I have everything to win but nothing to lose in this issue.

Oh, maybe I should repost this to the story section too...?
 

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Does anyone here have strong, severe anxiety 24/7 (or almost 24/7) along with agoraphobic tendencies, apprehensiveness, in addition to DP/DR? Just curious. For almost 10 years I've been constantly struggling with DP/DR, panic, social anxiety, OCD and depression. I'm also very tired all the time.

I don't know how I can continue to live like this. For some reason, Monday was a great day. The icy wall and fog lifted and I was out grocery shopping and everything seemed the way it did BEFORE I had DP/DR.

What did I do to have almost 24 hours of freedom from DP/DR? I found this site and with it some hope, and then the DP/DR went away temporarily.

Therefore, in my case, the DP/DR has to be psychological then, right? It's all in my head? It has to be.

Would welcome any comments/suggestions.

Thank you!

Jeff
 
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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
this thread is depressing as all hell.

If DPDR comes back for me and lasts over a year I'm gone kids. I can't handle that BS.
 
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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
1A, your description of symptoms just about mirrors mine.

I had a most of the day minimal dr the other day and I noticed that I didn't think yay, I'm cured, I started thinking about when dr would return to full on again. It did later that day. But it was the first time in 4 years and made me feel more hopeful.

To me, the question of "is it psychological" is too simplistic.
I've noticed that I "forget" what has got me into this mess, particularly when I am terrified, because it is a complicated answer.
To me, the sensation of Dr has a voodoo quality about it and my logical enquiring mind becomes lost (understandably) and gets overrun by my undermining subconscious.

I keep a list to remind me;

THE FOUNDATION
Genetic Predisposition To Dissociating

Unstable Family
1 Parent alcoholic, 1 panic disorder

Shyness (which became social phobia after onset of dr)

Sensitive physically and psychologically

Low self esteem

Sleep Deprivation

TV addiction

THE TRIGGERS

Marijuana Withdrawal

Alcohol Withdrawal

Nicotine Withdrawal

Internet

If I get really depressed about dr, I try to ask myself am I doing absolutely everything I should to try and overcome this, and the answer is always no. e.g I'm not supposed to be on the internet and here I am!!

so I'm logging off right now.

Hope this makes sense because I think/type with urgency knowing that I should be somewhere else on a glorious 24 degrees (celsius) Saturday morning.
 
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