[stickdude]

the past months, it feels as if i have no personality. after so much time put into worrying, obessive thoughts, depersonalization, derealization, paranoia, detached from reality, it feels as if i don't know who my true self is. because of this, i have a hard time knowing who i am as of now. whenever i laugh, cry, or whatever, it's as if i don't really feel it deep down inside. this is really holding me down because when i talk to people, all i really say is what's going on in the moment and don't add anything to the conversation. also with relationships, i have real trouble with girls because of "not having a personality". are anti-depressants and/or anti-psychotics the way to go?

can anyone relate?

 

[Guest]

you dont have anything to say because your constantly focused inwards and on depersonalization. Everyone has a personality yours is just masked by DP. I can totally relate to your situation, when i first got it i didnt want to talk to anyone i just kept to myself everywhere i went. It's like when you have flu and you feel like throwing you dont want to play basketball or something. DP is the same it keeps you from doing the things you like unless you feel good enough while dp'd to do so.

 

[jft]

Johnny Utah. Any relation to the Ringo Kid?

I can indeed relate to ALL you said. Years ago that happened often. I found it to be in degrees though, that if all the symptoms increased in intensity, that the social thing would bottom out. I no longer get to this point, or rarely away. I don't know why.

I have no faith in antidepressants and certainly not in antipsychotics. I like the idea of getting on with life and keeping the hell busy and going fishing and doing hobbies and in general staying stimulated and focused outward. It really is the only thing that has worked for me, outside of somewhat learning how to kick the crap out of inward obsessiveness.
jft

 

[Guest]

Yeah, I can totally relate to this stickdude. I almost think that our old personality dies when we encounter DP/DR. anxiety etc.. and after we come to grips with it, we form a new personality. However, it takes months or sometimes years to really figure out what this new personality is. This makes sense. This illness changes you and gives you a perspective on life that you didn't have before. Dealing with that nothingess in between whilst in social situations can be quite daunting though.

 

[Phill]

WARNING: Stickdude, I wouldn't go on any meds unless you really really really really really need to. I'm struggling to regain my personality back too. Only saying what's in the moment pisses me off cause i know it's not me so one thing i used to do was say other things, different and creative things and say them fast like it was natural spontanaeity. It doesn't work but i still do it from time to time.
Mostly (what works for me) i use my memory to go back in time to different times and places or activities before dp, (prior april2002) and i have several that i use, and all of a sudden i get jolted back! And then literally instantly i start getting thoughts like 'why did i say that' 'why did i think this or that' 'why did i think this or that about him or her' 'that's just stupid'.
And spontanaeity also comes back and also dp feelings go away too,
not completely though.
Even if i didn't laugh at something funny that was said by someone 2 minutes before and i think back to it, i'll laugh.
All this can happen so quickly but it does take a little time of focusing
on the particular memory and how i felt then and i can even remember some things i said to others around me in some memories.
Problem is it doesn't last all that long and can fade quite quickly.
but it does aid me in keeping some sort of "personality stability" or whatever you want to call it.

 

[Monkeydust]

Even before I'd got DP and anxiety I'd felt at times that I have "no personality".

This wasn't, of course, true - neither is it now. But it felt that way because whichever way I acted - whether that be polite and calm or boistrous and funny - didn't feel like the "real me". It was just as if I was acting that way towards a particular person, not to manipulate, as such...just to avoid any kind of rejection.

Now that feeling persists, but I just don't like to "compartmentalize" my personality in order to play to different people. It doesn't feel right.

For anyone else who feels this way, the point is that you do have a personality, it just doesn't feel that way right now.

I've read posts by all or most of the people here, and, even without meeting them in person, it's clear that no-one is devoid of personality - in fact there seem to be some very distinctive personalities here.

In time, and with a lot of work, perseverance and determination, it will all come back to you.