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I just got out of the hospital but I am not feeling good

I do not know what anything is. why anything is. how anything is. what is anything. how do I type, speak, listen, talk, what is sound, what is anything, how is anything created, on and on and on.

I will speak my own voice then realize how weird it is that I speak. I will have a conversation and question how I am even communicating how we even exist.

I am so lost, I am falling, I am dreamy, I am alone.

I question if I exist on a world with other people or if the world and other people are just my imagination.

This makes me incredibly depressed questioning if others even exist. If people don't exist what's the point of relationships. I'm so fucking lost brings me to tears.

I am on meds for paranoia and such horrible thoughts. I am falling. Save me I am in tears.

I found girl I talked to in hospital so kind to me loving listen to everything I had to say never had relationship like that ever, hung out with her today now she says she wants to spend time alone, be independent, and that we live too far to be hanging out (which Is far but still) she was the only beautiful thing in this dream and it is so hard to be alone. I think she doesn't want to hangout anymore and her smile carried me, now I'm back to being alone with no one. She talked about how we would be going to movies and hanging out and sitting in the back of movie theater (inferring hooking up) etc in hospital now she suddenly change. she was there for a reason too though but still it's so hard to lose her... have I lost her...

Everything is too much I question everything I'm just fucking falling........ :( help please.

hyper aware of existence, conscious of conscious
 

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Sorry to hear you're not feeling good and that you lost someone who made you feel better. Have you tried talking to her about it? It sucks when you have a connection with someone and thought you meant something to them at any time let alone during this. I think it's important to find yourself and do things for you. Essentially we are all alone and always will be but other people join us on this journey of ours. I think we rely on others too much for our own happiness I am certainly guilty of this. But you dont need to be as cynical as me. It doesn't mean you have to be lonely in your own company I think it's important to find peace within yourself and peace with the world. Different things help different people, if you feel lonely sometimes it's nice to help other people bc selfishly it makes you feel better. It's also nice to know that other people have their weaknesses too and need help too. Sometimes it's nice to spend some time on yourself and not put pressure on yourself to behave like normal when you don't feel good. It's good to find things you enjoy and immerse yourself in the world around you and usually things will gradually fall into place. You have to make an effort though, and can't expect people or things to come to you and fix you.
 
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