Thanks Rob for your support. I felt like I was making progress this past year, but now I seem to have gone back to Square -1 - The Walking Dead. Well yes I think, but I am not certain, there are things that happened in my life earlier this year that caused me, if I am honest, to shut myself back into it - I think what i have learnt, only the past few years really, is that I cannot tolerate difficult feelings, and i have lived so long with being like a zombie that life stresses, which others could survive with pain but without resorting to dp, for me just turn me back into the dp cupboard - and I become blank and androidal with an unconnected smile. One of the things was that my closest friend was diagnosed with cancer in February. That was hard to endure and then it got more complicated on various levels and I don't think I could tolerate it so I seemed to have turned myself into a void where I don't feel anything at all and I can barely formulate thought, can't seem to remember anything or imagine the future, barely functioning. Jut blank. That is the honest truth. And I just have no idea h ow I am ever going to come out of this, and yes you are right I do come in and out of it and I know it does pass, because I remember it doing so previously. When it passes, its like a thawing process where the disconnection and the monologue ebb away, over a matter of minutes or hours, I reconnect with by body (physical energy sensations, a tingling in the limbs) and I can function again and do things.....but how or when that will ever happen now I just can't see. Just have to get through each day with no, or very slow thoughts and no feelings, feeling unconnected from the world, and the endless observing monologue......do you relate to these kind of symptoms? How are you do ing at the moment? I remember that you are very high functioning and manage to work very effectively - wish I could do that...I admire that a lot, mine just turns me into an intellectual cretin.
Let me know how you are doing either here or by pm - would be good to hear from you.