Not able to think right and depressed

Im always unable to finish a thought. Like its as if in the middle of something, my brain just shuts off and i am unable to access the information i was trying to get at. Lots of issues ive had with intrusive thoughts that i thought were put to rest always resurface because i forget how i resolved them. After ill resolve something, ill finally feel normal again, then i seem to forget what normal is or like the line is so blurred as to what normal even is anymore. Its hard to remember what life was like before all these mental issues. Like, i dont even know what to do anymore. I feel this fight is useless alot. That it doesnt matter. I often feel life is completely f*ckin pointless and that getting back to nomal doesnt even appeal anymore because my entire life seems like its been a huge pointless waste of time. Ive been spending time with my sister and her toddler and just thinking "why the fuck do we have children, what is the point to any of this nonsense?" not that i dont love the little guy but like life just seems so pointless, i dont understand why we create more people, new lives...