[andymania]

I was told that alot of my anxiety is probably related to me never having a girl friend and constantly isolating myself. I guess this can be a possible trigger.

-Andy

 

[Martinelv]

It could be, I suppose, but then again - anything could be a trigger for anxiety. I doubt it's the sole reason Andy. If no sex was a trigger for anxiety then I'd be wearing a Tu-Tu and talking Mongolian.

 

[Guest]

that could easily get somebody depressed, and you might just be afraid of getting depressed, and when you notice you are get anxiety and slip into DP.

You do the things you do for a reason, dont let them get you down, you must go out of your way to change what you dont like and your only gunna bring yourself down further by being depressed

 

[sebastian]

I find the lack of having a steady girlfriend quite traumatizing actually. It took me awhile to realize that this was actually causing a lot of my distress. As pedestrian as it is, i actually find myself, as i age, growing more and more concerned about finding a long term "partner". I'm finding it more and more difficult finding single women around my age when i go out, and more and more of my friends are getting hitched. It's depressing really, and it probably augments anxiety a great deal.

As far as the sex part goes...well, i guess one of the benefits of having a narcissistic disorder is that "self-love" becomes almost more enjoyable than the real thing.

s.

 

[Dreamer]

I find the lack of having a steady girlfriend quite traumatizing actually. It took me awhile to realize that this was actually causing a lot of my distress. As pedestrian as it is, i actually find myself, as i age, growing more and more concerned about finding a long term "partner". I'm finding it more and more difficult finding single women around my age when i go out, and more and more of my friends are getting hitched. It's depressing really, and it probably augments anxiety a great deal.

From the female camp here, I feel exactly the same. I don't think it is at all unusual to feel this way. But I believe anxiety/DP, etc. comes before an inability to instigate or maintain a long-term relationship. Then the vicious cycle starts. The anxiety/DP intereferes with forming relationships, the subsequent loneliness merely exacerbates everything ... at least this has been my experience.

Social anxiety, et. al. can keep someone from having close relationships. I can't say that no sex in and of itself causes anxiety, etc. That would put the cart before the horse.

As far as the sex part goes...well, i guess one of the benefits of having a narcissistic disorder is that "self-love" becomes almost more enjoyable than the real thing.

LOL. I can laugh sebastian, but don't agree with this totally, again in my situation at least. Firstly, I believe it is known that a long-term relationship, a healthy one, adds to overall well-being -- off course the Catch 22 for all of us re: this is our inability to find/hold onto such a relationship.

Quality of life and longevity has been linked to stable long-term relationships. Again the question is, aren't those people who are already healthy able to have said relationships? Regardless, isolation is not good for anyone.

I will say though, orgasm is a wonderful release. It does get the endorphins going, it can be very calming. It has lessened anxiety for me many times -- solo and in a very comfortable relationship. I would give anything to have a solid long-term relationship with a man ... companionship and intimacy. That's my 2nd wish after having no chronic DP/DR. If my second wish were granted, I'm certain the first would fall into place.

Orgasm frequently makes me cry as well. The ultimate release. And this can be with or without a partner.

This infernal DP/anxiety affects all of my relatoinships, not just those with men. As I've gotten older, I also see myself alone, feel a terrible emptiness and fear of the future -- that certainly doesn't add to my overall well-being, and doesn't help anyone.

But this doesn't mean another person can cure you. I believe it is a reflection of health and a reinforcement of well-being if one can have a stable relationship, or be active sexually, romantically, etc.

Also, death of a spouse is ranked the number ONE stressor in life, to the best of my knowledge.

We have basic needs and instincts. Sex is one. It is essential to our existence. Relationships are essential to our survival. "No man is an island."

We have to get out and be with people as best we can. When I isolate myself, I rot.

Best,
D

 

[MrMortgage]

NO sex make MrMortgage go crazy! NO sex make MrMortgage go crazy! NO sex make MrMortgage go crazy...What is sex??? LOL Just kidding! :twisted:

 

[Absent]

Wow, people in as much pain about this as me. I'm going crazzzzzyyyy with isolation. Relationships are sharing the world, your body, your common experiences - but since these are all removed by dp/dr then how a relationship?

 

[Martinelv]

You know, reading these posts again - I've come to recognise the truth in this. During my first bout of DR, chasing (and succeeding) a girl almost completely destroyed by DR/DP, at least while I was with here. It helps with your self-esteem as well, which is very important.

 

[Scattered]

I'm an island.

 

[Martinelv]

I'm a desert. I want to be an oasis.

 

[Andy T]

I find successfully installing a new hard disk more uplifting than sex these days

 

[Guest]

It's a shame that girlfriends whose names end in .jpg don't count. I'd literally have thousands.

And yeah, what sebastien said about the narcissistic thing.

 

[Scattered]

I'd be insane if it wasn't for porn.

 

[Guest]

I think most of us would.

 

[andymania]

lololol dawn's highway. thats funny

 

[maria]

I also was craving for a boyfriend since I was 15, and now I'm 23 and I've never had a real relationship. I find it impossible to fall in love with anyone. There's no way I'd get those rosy goggles through which some bloke would seem like God to me, which I guess what happens for a while when you are crazy with someone. I would however like to have some male companion, it's just hard when all people seem like monkeys to you. I don't get them. It would be great though if my dp was caused by my virginity.

 

[sebastian]

It's a shame that girlfriends whose names end in .jpg don't count. I'd literally have thousands.

:lol: :lol: That was damn hilarious!

 

[g-funk]

I have always found that the excitement of a new relationship has pulled me further out into the real world.
However, sex when dp'd is HORRIFIC

 

[enngirl5]

I don't get the fact that having a boyfriend or girlfriend would cure dp/dr but I do have some input on this. First, sex while being dp'ed is no fun. I've literally had to roll over and stop having sex because I started having a panic/derealization attack. Second, I can understand that the overwhelming emotions of whatever you call love (or as I see it lust and the stomach flipping thing), can alleviate anxiety and dp. When I was in "love" and I would have a derealization attack, just crawling into the persons arms and burying my head helped. It took away the anxiety. For obvious reasons. I was focused on something else. The feelings of love and romance overshadowed the feelings of anxiety. For the moment. But morning is gonna come, and you can't stay in that lust/romantic period forever. Eventually those overwhelming/I could die in your arms right now feelings are gonna start to fade and you're gonna be right back where you were, with the anxiety problems. Now, you just have someone to hang out with. I think you guys are romanticizing romance.
Speaking of love, I have a different view on it than most other people. There are a few people in my life that I love. My mom, brother, grandparents, etc. (Grandparents I lived with for a few years when I was younger, and went through a lot of stuff with so I have a pretty strong bond with them). But anway, I love these people. I would give up my happiness for their happiness. This is hard to come by in a romantic relationship because there's so much insecurity, jealousy, and other shitty emotions that interfere with you truly being able to love this person wholeheartedly. I believe romantic love can exist. But I believe you have to really get each other and truly be their friend. Don't marry someone just because they're hot. I know, I can sound a little cold sometimes when you get me talking about love. Maybe I put too much emphasis on the logic of it and less on feelings. But, I'm pretty sure I have just as many feelings in those romantic situations as the next person. It took me 2 years to get over my first boyfriend. But then we're getting into being obsessive and that's another story.
So finally, I miss romance too. Lately its been bad. When the weather starts getting colder, I always get lonely. And I have no one. I haven't been in a relationship in 2 years, since this whole panic/dp stuff started. I miss sex. Lately that's been bad too, and I second the fact that thank god for porn. I was starting to really miss it (sex, being with someone) the other night so I'm glad someone posted this. But I once read a statistic where like 90 some percent of people get married at some time or another, so there's a chance most of us moaning and groaning are eventually gonna get married so maybe we'll have a few years of not being alone somewhere in the future.

 

[Scattered]

A shoulder to cry on wouldn't hurt. Not to mention the significant, yet temporary, boost of neurotransmitters we call love.

I'm not of this planet. I don't think people will ever make any sense to me. "Relationship" ...what is that? We are all disparate and disconnected systems that can never connect with one another. All we can achieve is a pitiful and vague approximation of understanding that we label connection.