[dissoziation]

Though I've generally been doing well with my depersonalization, I've been experiencing relapses of symptoms since a little before last week.

I've been struggling with the concept that people know what I look like and can see me in their heads doing things (dreams, etc) while myself cannot understand this. I have plenty of pictures of myself and I've looked in the mirror a million times and know what I look like, but the idea that people have their own perceptions of me and essentially know what I 'truly' look like is something I can't comprehend. I feel like I don't have a set image of myself or my identity. I think my lack of sense of self and maybe even my low self-esteem cause me to feel this, and obviously the depersonalization since I've been having racing thoughts and have been obsessing. I feel like I'm anonymous with physical features and that I'm just a vessel.

 

[CoffeeGirl9]

I can understand that. To me it's crazy that the person who caused this to happen to me even has a perception of me. But i don't. He exists in his own natural state but bc of him I can't. But he doesn't know that.

I am truly a shell. Emptier then one should ever have to be. It's uncomfortable to even be alive at all. I don't even remember who Annie was. (Me) what she looked like.

I had to leave bc I was that scared.

I can't even fake being me or anyone right now. I have relapsed so much.