Hi. My name is Didi, 30 and I live in the Netherlands. My current diagnose is depersonalisation and derealisation. Excuse me for my English. It was good but now I can't even think clearly. Ill try to tell my story hopefully someone will recognize.. (lot of things I write down is from things I wrote down before)
I had a traumatic childhood. Bullied, not taking serious by my parents, felt alone a lot of times, had lots of anxiety and even attacks when I was 21. I am not telling the whole story some parts I forgot
.. In that time I experienced dp and Dr. Didn't recognize myself, felt fuzzy, had major anxiety but managed to get my diploma at school. Making my school tests high on benzos.
Also began to take wellbutrin, later venlafaxine, mirtazapine (don't know what I started first) and last but not least I came out on lexapro. That worked for me. I was always very sensitive for taking drugs and had loads of side effects.
8 years later I had a major traumatic event that changed me completely. I dont feel any emotions at all, can't connect to people anymore, don't understand things anymore, don't have the feeling of getting hungry or sleepy, can't even watch TV I can't follow nor do I understand what they say, my memory is 'completely' gone I don't remember what i did yesterday for example. I can bring up memory's my own but don't feel anything about it. When my sisters brings up memory's I don't even know things she says. I can't get to names of people I know.. I don't recognize. People..
They first thought it was depression. Then they said it WAS DP and DR. but they can't take proper tests because I can't remember a lot of things. It's like have dementia.. That's how it 'feels'. People also tell me I repeat a lot. And I also have to hear from other what I've said.
The worst part rationally (even though I don't feel like it's bad because I can't feel it) is the loss of my. Memory and my feelings. Ive had therapy for 4 months but it feels like I did not even had therapy. It's all gone. Not even a bit of anxiety comes through my mind.
They've given me anti psychotic drugs, sleep meds.. Nothing works. I'm not responding to anything.
The stupid part of it all is, I can write things down.. But can't explain this in words face to face. Completely lost.
I tried mindfulness, yoga, vitamins. Checked my blood etc.
Does anyone over here also has these issues?
-memory loss (not regular forgetting things but really losing what you did)
- no affection for others
- feeling like you're IQ has lowered, like you're stupid, because the things you've learned are gone (sometimes I don't even know how my microwave works)
- no meds that works
- every thing you dofeels worthless because nothing gives you a thrill anymore.
- Feeling of being in a trance all day.
I hope. Someone does and want to talk with me about it. Maby we can help each other.
Love,
Didi
I had a traumatic childhood. Bullied, not taking serious by my parents, felt alone a lot of times, had lots of anxiety and even attacks when I was 21. I am not telling the whole story some parts I forgot
.. In that time I experienced dp and Dr. Didn't recognize myself, felt fuzzy, had major anxiety but managed to get my diploma at school. Making my school tests high on benzos.
Also began to take wellbutrin, later venlafaxine, mirtazapine (don't know what I started first) and last but not least I came out on lexapro. That worked for me. I was always very sensitive for taking drugs and had loads of side effects.
8 years later I had a major traumatic event that changed me completely. I dont feel any emotions at all, can't connect to people anymore, don't understand things anymore, don't have the feeling of getting hungry or sleepy, can't even watch TV I can't follow nor do I understand what they say, my memory is 'completely' gone I don't remember what i did yesterday for example. I can bring up memory's my own but don't feel anything about it. When my sisters brings up memory's I don't even know things she says. I can't get to names of people I know.. I don't recognize. People..
They first thought it was depression. Then they said it WAS DP and DR. but they can't take proper tests because I can't remember a lot of things. It's like have dementia.. That's how it 'feels'. People also tell me I repeat a lot. And I also have to hear from other what I've said.
The worst part rationally (even though I don't feel like it's bad because I can't feel it) is the loss of my. Memory and my feelings. Ive had therapy for 4 months but it feels like I did not even had therapy. It's all gone. Not even a bit of anxiety comes through my mind.
They've given me anti psychotic drugs, sleep meds.. Nothing works. I'm not responding to anything.
The stupid part of it all is, I can write things down.. But can't explain this in words face to face. Completely lost.
I tried mindfulness, yoga, vitamins. Checked my blood etc.
Does anyone over here also has these issues?
-memory loss (not regular forgetting things but really losing what you did)
- no affection for others
- feeling like you're IQ has lowered, like you're stupid, because the things you've learned are gone (sometimes I don't even know how my microwave works)
- no meds that works
- every thing you dofeels worthless because nothing gives you a thrill anymore.
- Feeling of being in a trance all day.
I hope. Someone does and want to talk with me about it. Maby we can help each other.
Love,
Didi
