[LOSTONE]

I just recieved my 2end denial of disability. I don't understand how the government can tell me I am able to work when I havent EVER been able to hold down a job. They tell me I can do unskilled work. What does being skilled or unskilled have to do with anxiety and dp/dr?
I have been wanting to go get a job, but now that I have no choice, I feel very anxious. I am scared that I will panic when I start working and quit. I can't afford that because I have no money and no transpertation. If I quit whatever job I get, I probably won't find another one. I am freeking out. I just don't think I can take this crap any more. I just wish I could get on a spaceship and move to mars or something.
I am starting to feel suicidle again. I feel like the shit just keeps hitting the fan and I can't do a dam thing about it. I am starting to feel like God does not even want me here anymore and if I knew this for sure I would kill myself right now. I hate my life, I have no joy or happiness. I don't even remember what it is like to be happy. If there were no God, I know I would slit my neck tonight. I don't want to live. How am I supposed to goto work every day when I don't even want to wake up every day?
Please someone help me. Jump through your computer screen and kill me or something. Please.

 

[person3]

hey lost one,

i was really REALLY anxious about starting a job recently. afraid i would panic and make a scene and stuff. I applied for one of the scarier things to just go and apply to: waitressing. and so far i've done well for a first timer. i actually DONT think obsessively while on the clock, it's great. the job is exhausting and sometimes really not rewarding but instead of freaking out the opposite happened: i gained more confidence.

it looks like right now you have to find a job either way. if it doesn't work out, you CAN find another job. I promise. it's hard to go and ask for an application but if you go to a few places and apply and get the ball rolling it's easier than you think.

don't worry about panicking and quitting. personally, i'm one of those types that likes a complicated, busy job rather than a boring job...it gives the mind something to focus on.

getting a job and getting out of the house will be the first step to feeling better, your brain is just tricking you right now to maintain the status quo.

 

[LOSTONE]

getting a job and getting out of the house will be the first step to feeling better, your brain is just tricking you right now to maintain the status quo

Thats true. The problem is, my brain got dam good at tricking me.

Just a year ago, I could handle myself pretty well, but this long period of inactivity I have been in has realy got me down and out.
I am very scared that once I get a job I will panic and quit. If this happens I am afraid I will kill myself.
I guess I should just stop worrying aboout things and just do something.

You know I don't realy mind being busy at work, it's the breaks that I don't like. For me, talking to people casually can be like torture.

Person3 it seems to me that you do give a fuck.
It is just hard to get your mind off your own problems sometimes right?

Thanks for your reply.

 

[person3]

well that means you should go out now and get a job instead of wait a year and get in a deeper hole.. just what you have to do.

 

[LOSTONE]

just what you have to do.

Yep we gotta do what we gotta do I guess.
I need to start looking at religion the same way.
I know what I gotta do, it's just easyer to tell myself I don't have the strength.
I think I just need to force myself to do stuff and just deal with the all powerfull anxiety.
Thanks person. I am going to apply for a job tomorrow.
I have no choice anyway.

 

[Monkeydust]

I agree with person3 on this (as usual). It could be a cloud with silver-lining. You have to face up to the fact that, sooner or later, you have to get a job. We all like to assume that it'll be easier doing it later. But it will never be easy; there's no two-ways about it.

Being "forced" to get a job might be the good thing right now, harsh as it seems. If you're able to keep the stress down, it will do your mental health a lot more good than staying on disabillity will.

Hope if goes well for you,
MonkeyD

 

[blackwinded]

dear lost one,

i am sorry you were denied for a second time, but i would suggest that you try it again. All my doctors have told me that it may take a 2-3 times of applying for disability before i get accepted (i have schizophrenia). With a daignosis of dp/dr and depression and anxiety and such, It may take quite a few times of applying for disability before you are accepted, because the government sees these conditions as less severe than others.
I know it's easy to be discouraged and loose hope, but i really think you should try it at least one more time.

-Becka

 

[LOSTONE]

Thanks for the advice everyone.

I have just spent all day in the hot sun walking around to apply for just 1 job.
I better get hired :shock: !

All my doctors have told me that it may take a 2-3 times of applying for disability before i get accepted

I have also hered from many people that it would take 2-3 trys before I would get disability benifets. I think it's policy for them to deny people over and over again. The government is very good at wasting time.

I have decided to just face my fears yet again and go get a job. I can't afford to wait another 3 months to get another denial from SSI.

I want to move back to Hawaii and start my own company anyway.
The fastest way for this to happen is for me to work my ass off.

I also know that the more active I am the less dp/dr I feel, I also am not as depressed when I am active.
I don't want to just sit around and do nothing anymore. I just wish that it wasen't so dam hard to go out and get a life. Anxiety sucks!

Blackwinded I wish I could get disibility it would realy help me out, but I can't wait for my dumb government any longer. I must work.

Thanks everyone.

PS. anyone else that is thinking of getting disability, make sure you have a lot of time to blow before you go apply.