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I'm so fucking tired of analyzing myself and find out that there's Always something wrong.

I hate my fucking life, I should kill myself instead I still lose time trying to fix the unfixable.

It's like I'm waking up and recently coming to terms like there's no core me, it's like everything related to me, to my feelings, likes, dislikes, experiences belong more to my personas, ideal self and scenarios than to a raw, core me. It's like I can't really perceive myself, like there's no real fixated core in me and this fucking scares me, maybe it's not even dpdr related but everything about my own life sometimes feel even detached to a core/soul level, I'm tired, I feel just fake, a joke, someone who's spent most of her life playing herself than really be herself.
 

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Please dont kill yourself.I wanna send you to a video about a guy who had psychosis and jumped off the golden gate bridge but i cant find the link.He somehow survived and after many years and while still living with psychosis he regrets ever thinking of killing himself and says life id the greatest gift we are ever given.And somebody would argue he has it worse than us here haha.Just search it on youtube the guy is like head of a suicide prevention organization now.Anyway trust me i know how you feel.Its horriblr.I felt the same things as you and many more.I ad dp for 5 years and got out.I never thought it was possible.Its anxiety related.If you eliminate anxiety and depression the dp isnt so bad and slowly will dissapear.I know you heard that shit before i didnt wanna hear it either,but turns out it was true.Get help from a proffesional,trust me there are guys who can help you get out.Its not as uncommon as you think.Or dont.You can get cured alone but i would advise seeking help.Also you know what you have to do.Start thinking beautifully and freely at first,think of yourself living your life with no symptoms but really try to.Dont just say it would be cool not to have dpdr.Really try and visualize not having it no matter how difficult it may seem.Also in time get off this forum and any others start going out work out build a killer body and do shit that you love with people you love.I had it for five long years for the most part with some better times in between but if i wanna be honest with you i first started feeling dpdr free about 4 5 months ago.It was horrible.BUT IT GETS BETTER.You are gonna be happy you just have to say to yourself you can.Do what i did.TRY EVERYTHING.If nothing sticks then you can start thinking about giving up.But dont worry.It wont take that long.We know in general what helps people in this situation.My psychiatrist said he never had a patient that didnt get out of dpdr in time.And the dude specializes in ptsd and anxiety disorders and deals with dp all the time.And before you say he said that to placebo effect me or sth he told me i might have early stage schizofrenia when he met me so he is not one to lie to patients.You are getting through this.LIFE IS WORTH IT AND YOU WILL GET BETTER DONT LET ANYONE SAY OTHERWISE.Cheers go have some pizza and some beer on me and meet a girl or a guy whatever your into hahahaha.Its gonna be ok.Much love to you.
 

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I understand this, it's agitating being alive because you didn't want to be here in the first place or you just can't understand why you're even alive. I guess you experience existential crisis a lot? I do and I've had countless panic attacks because of it. I have attempted suicide and through this I've learnt that it's not worth taking my own life no matter how hard it becomes. It only seems to get worse as time goes on until your brain balances from time to time and you can find peace.

I don't have anything to help you find peace in the thoughts you're having but I can tell you I have found my own ways of stopping my mind spiraling into these existential thoughts. If you need anyone to message just give me a shout, I don't mind listening
 

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I feel the same way...like I’m fake and grasping for the true hidden me to come out again, but she’s just gone. I woke up one day and that was it. Felt like the first day I was alive, whoever I am, in this body that had lived 16 years before me....my condition may be a bit different, but I feel what you mean. Like I’m having epiphanies about the past but I can’t do anything about those, and they feel dated.
 

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I’m sorry you feel like this too, like you’re just your likes and dislikes, and scenarios...I feel like I can’t contribute anything new, anything individually me.
 

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You guys are overthinking this.Existential thoughts like these are part of the condition.Try not to give them power.I know it seems like you discovered some truth but thats just bull.You are always looking inwards and focusing on yourself while being super stressed and sad.Thats what gives birth to this kind of thinking.As for losing yourself thats also just a feeling that stems from the symptoms.If you had lost yourself you wouldnt be able to make such statements and would propably be in a mental hospital already.Dont give those feelings and thoughts power they are just symptoms.And trust me when you get better you wont even care about that shit and wont even be able to grasp what you were so worried about.
 

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Yes..i know so well this.
But always needing to remember that are you alive and suffering or are you gonna kill yourself and dont even know wht happens. I dont even believe here will be relief.. I dont trust even that.
 

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Most guys who commit suicide are either seriously mentally disturbed and dont have touch with reality plus people who dont dont receive proper treatment.The people that have neurotic symptoms and commit these kind of acts usually instantly regret it as you can see from those who actually lived to tell the tale.Suicide is a choice you do actually have but its not valid in most cases unless your terminally ill and/or cant even move or talk.I firmly believe that every single human being wants to just be happy.You still have that hope.Not to sound cheesy but seriously dont give up.We are all going to die one day.No reason to rush it.Thats where we are all headed.But before you actually start to rot or go to some other place depending on what you believe in,you have the option to live life,have some fun and raise a little hell.I know you are suffering but it gets better for everybody.I too thought i was too far gone.Everybody does.There is no way you wont be okay someday.Its like a long hour of history class.It sucks,you think you wont survive it but you actually do and you are glad that its over.I love you all.
 

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This is the experience of depersonalization. Like you millions of others all over the world are experiencing it, some of them for decades. The ability of the human being is that one can endure even the nearly impossible situations. Some even triumph over such catastrophic state of the self. Go through the experiences of others. You are not alone. Life is more than depersonalization, however horrible an experience it is! As poet Hopkins has said, "Hold them cheap who never hung there"
 
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