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New to this mess

948 Views 11 Replies 4 Participants Last post by  allison84
Hi everyone.very new to all this.
It started with a migrane.
Then another one and a panic attack.
My gp gave me citalopram and xanax.
i was ok for 3 weeks till i missed 2 doses of citalopram and first entered this horrible state.
I continued to take citalopram for 2 weeks but i was stuck in this nightmare.
All the doctors would tell me is "kerp taking the citalopram".
I finally ended up in a phsyciatric hospital and was taken off it.
I felt extremely anxious and had panic attacks but was back in a normal sense of reality.
They put me on mirtazapine to get me sleeping and eating again and i was fine for 2 weeks until this,closed off stuck in my head,cant focus on anything around me started to creep back in.
Long story short,its been 9 weeks now and im in a constant state of feeling locked inside my head with the worse thoughts and anxiety i have ever felt.
Christmas day was a complete and utter dream to me.i was there but just wasnt present for it.
I dropped my girlfriend off to work last week and as i was saying goodbye i had an absolute out of body experience thst i still csnt describe and just sstsrted screaming "im not here,im not here".
I cant put into words what that felt like.
Ive been to 4 doctors,the hospital and the phsyciatric hospital 6 times over the last 9 being told to keep taking my antidepressant and keep busy.
Ive tried going back to work and to all around me i seem fine but to me its constant mental torture.
The "bubble" did burst once or twice along the way,i felt more physically anxious but back to myself and in the real world.i went back into this "zone" as soon as i went to sleep.
Instead of getting physical sensations that cause me to panic and have an attack,i get freaked out in my head,i get this enormous head pressure and then i cant move.
Xanax does nothing to tske this ferling away.
Sorry for tsking so long but that's my story.
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Thank you.
Im trying to wean off the xsnax at the minute anyway.think its workinh against me at this stage.
I wont be over obsessing on this site but im in ireland.even the head consultant of the phsyciatric hospital doesnt know what this is.keeps telling me its help anywhere here for me so trying to get some info so i dont feel so crazy and by myself.
My 2 brothers went through all this years ago and have fully recovered now so just trying to accept it.
Im still in the denial stage though,its going to take time.
Thanks again
I am back to work now which is horrific but better thsn sitting around thinking about it.
Can antidepressants make it worse?
I never had it till i started anti anxiety medication.
Or is this just denial still telling me i can blame it on something else
My gp did tell me that antidepressants can cause dissociation.
Im on pregabalin too and the side effects on the leaflet state "depersonalization".
When i mention this to any of the phsyciatrists in the hospital its like i just slapped them in the face.
The only 2 weeks i have felt myself was between stopping citalopram and starting mirtazapine.
I started getting like this when the mirtazapine started kicking first it was just waking up groggy,then groggy all its a constant state of being in a weird daze i cant get out of.
Has anyone ever went back to normal after going off the meds though.
Im gonna bite the bullet and get off the meds and hope that this shit goes away.i just feel detached and stuck in my head gp told me point blank that antidepressants can all cause dissociation and i never had it before so wish ne luck
Yes.thats all part of it.try stay as busy as feel like your insane but your only naking it bigger by constantly analysing it.seems impossible not to but find anythi g that can occupy your mind
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