New to this mess

Hi everyone.very new to all this.
It started with a migrane.
Then another one and a panic attack.
My gp gave me citalopram and xanax.
i was ok for 3 weeks till i missed 2 doses of citalopram and first entered this horrible state.
I continued to take citalopram for 2 weeks but i was stuck in this nightmare.
All the doctors would tell me is "kerp taking the citalopram".
I finally ended up in a phsyciatric hospital and was taken off it.
I felt extremely anxious and had panic attacks but was back in a normal sense of reality.
They put me on mirtazapine to get me sleeping and eating again and i was fine for 2 weeks until this,closed off stuck in my head,cant focus on anything around me started to creep back in.
Long story short,its been 9 weeks now and im in a constant state of feeling locked inside my head with the worse thoughts and anxiety i have ever felt.
Christmas day was a complete and utter dream to me.i was there but just wasnt present for it.
I dropped my girlfriend off to work last week and as i was saying goodbye i had an absolute out of body experience thst i still csnt describe and just sstsrted screaming "im not here,im not here".
I cant put into words what that felt like.
Ive been to 4 doctors,the hospital and the phsyciatric hospital 6 times over the last 9 weeks.im being told to keep taking my antidepressant and keep busy.
Ive tried going back to work and to all around me i seem fine but to me its constant mental torture.
The "bubble" did burst once or twice along the way,i felt more physically anxious but back to myself and in the real world.i went back into this "zone" as soon as i went to sleep.
Instead of getting physical sensations that cause me to panic and have an attack,i get freaked out in my head,i get this enormous head pressure and then i cant move.
Xanax does nothing to tske this ferling away.
Sorry for tsking so long but that's my story.