Hello everyone. I was just diagnosed with this disorder. I always knew there was something wrong, but I didn't know exactly what it was. I am a new mother and 43yrs old. I feel like I am of course two different people and feel like I am always battling myself. I always feel like I am in survivor mode. I have started to do things that are beyond dangerous to my health. I always hated alcohol, but then these last 12 months I have become an alcoholic to try and not feel the mental pain. I have started to drink so bad to where I was drinking a bottle of vodka a day and blacking out. How can someone do this if they have a 16month old COVID baby? What is wrong with me??? I feel like I am alone and am always scared. I did stop the drinking and started meds 2 weeks ago, but I still feel like I am just alone and no one understands me.