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Hello,

I am 27 years of age and am a single mother. I am new to the forum world, as I generally discuss my personal issues with those I know. Lately, after listening to a podcast discussing this issue, I felt that this avenue might be more beneficial for me. Being able to share my experiences with others and learn from their experiences as well.

For me, I truly feel as though my DP started at a fairly young age; of course I wasn't aware of it's existence back then. I've been through lot during the course of my life, molestation as a child, parents divorcing at age 5, moving from home to home with different men (as my mother always felt the need to have a man around). I stayed in a homeless shelter as a child and experienced emotional abuse during highschool.
I was pregnant at 17 from a guy that was physically and emotionally abusive, went through various court dates and child protective services due to this situation. My father passed away when I was 20 during a very painful and critical time in my life, heightening the pain I was harboring from the neglect of my mother and inflicted pain by my son's dad. The abuse from my son's dad took place for practically my son's whole life (who is now 9) and I currently have an active restraining order. I have just recently began building a "relationship" with my mother again, but the lack of love for practically my whole life still affects me on a day to day basis. Since my mother was always consumed with men, I wasn't necessarily important to her, as she put me in many susceptible situations, even attempting to press charges against me because of a fight that she caused (when I became knowledgeable of her cheating on my step dad). This situation took place during the time in which I was dealing with court issues/abuse from my son's father, which was also during the time in which my father was dying of cancer.

During these challenging situations, and even now, I have always felt like I was living in a movie. Like life isn't real or can't be real and if it is, there has to be more to it than this... Often times I lay in bed praying and wishing that it could all just be over, only to wake the next day and feeling annoyed that I'm still here.

I'm hoping I can connect with people going through this same issue, building relationships that can help me grow and channel this pain.
 

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Welcome to the site.

I'm sorry that you're going through all of this. I can only imagine the pain you must be feeling and I give all of my condolences to you and your son.

Our community is very supportive of one another, so you won't have any troubles connecting with those in the same boat.

I would recommend checking out the Recovery Stories! and Managing Depersonalization sub-forums as they may be able to offer you help with managing your unreality.

Hope this helps!
 
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