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My name is Haley, I'm 20 and I've had derealization for about a year and a half now. I say DR rather than DP because it feels like I'm disconnected with reality, not with myself. I don't know if I'm using the right term, anyways the symptoms started on my birthday in April 2017. I felt like I was walking around in a dream and nothing around me was real, but more than that, I felt like there was a blurry sort of buffer in between me and reality. I felt like my senses were being fogged. In addition, because I have OCD that's pretty annoying, even with medication, I constantly had thoughts running through my head. It felt like my brain could never rest and this has increased since the symptoms started. At first I thought I felt this way because the previous few months, when I was driving to school, I would zone out and go to my head while driving to pass the time. I did this so often that it became hard to get out of my head and snap back to reality when I arrived. I thought that was the cause of my DR. However, I did more research and learned that it's often caused by traumatic events, and now I believe it truly began in September 2016 when I found my childhood cat eaten by a mountain lion. I immediately shut my emotions off and didn't allow myself to grieve or process anything and I think that messed me up somehow. Anyways, I've had it sense then and have tried many things but I think it would be best to turn to people who experience the same thing. I have music going through my head 24/7 and the only way to stop it is to tune to noise in the room, like a clock or air conditioner. This makes me feel more connected to reality. I tried meditation and even go to a mindfulness class but I can never focus long enough. I noticed that it gets worse when I watch TV or am on the computer, and is better when I'm outside.I'm running out of ideas and wanted to see if anyone has any idea's or can relate to anything in particular? Thank You.
