[Findmywayhome]

My disorder never ceases to amaze me with how rapidly it changes and progresses. I was doing really good for most of last week until Sunday. Saturday night I upped my dosage of Zoloft from 25mg to 50mg and man do I regret it. Combined with bad sleep, stress and anxiety about school, and I think mainly the upping of the dosage, my DPDR has rapidly progressed into more of a nightmare than it already is.

I have a hyperawareness of my perception, I feel as if my own perception is obstructing me from perceiving anything in reality. I am so bewildered by the nature and existence of my own consciousness, It's like I suddenly realized how abstract and weird it is to be conscious and have experiences and thoughts. I feel so disconnected from my self, I feel like I am ceasing to exist. And this is not solely thought based by any means, the sensation of perceiving reality is a goddamn nightmare. I feel like I no longer have any intuition towards anything, my understanding of everything has collapsed, everything is so disturbingly unfamiliar and seemingly abstract- even perception itself- that I have completely lost grip on myself and reality, I feel almost trapped.

Here's where I am need of some advice: If I don't stabilize from the medication within a few weeks, should I go back to 25mg? would that make it worse? I know every ones situation is different, but I don't know what to do.

DONT READ THIS NEXT PARAGRAPH IF YOU HAVE TROUBLE WITH EXISTENTIAL THOUGHTS*

I feel like I have transcended human experience. I feel as if we humans have developed the capability to perceive outside of reality but naturally our brains never enter that state; because there is no utility in doing so and why the fuck would we want to? I feel like I have involuntarily entered that state. I feel like I have woken up from the dream of human experience and am now slipping into a state of pure indifference, I am terrified. When I used to experience short, random episodes of DPDR the emergence of them always felt peculiar; It felt like I was remembering that the entirety of human experience is an illusion, and I was dropping back down to the default state of inexperience. I feel as if that is what im doing. Like my mind has broken the thin layer of ice that borders the human soul from the void and I am now helplessly sinking in to the murky, cold, lifeless sea of nothingness below it. Why why why is this happening to me???

 

[AnnaGiulia]

I cannot really offer any help except for sharing my experience with Zoloft. I was taking 50g for a short time in order to adjust to it, and then 100mg for six months. I tolerated the med pretty well, and I think it helped me stabilize enough to deal with depression that went hand in hand with DPDR. The second time I went back to therapy, I was prescribed the same dosage. However, both times my CBT therapist told me that meds are like a safety net, and that the main cure is talk. I resolved many things during both times I had therapy, basically everything that was possible to resolve within the CBT setting - most of all the primary family pathologies, and the way they were normalized for me.

However - and I think you wrote that in one of your posts - you need to understand your root cause as to why you are having dissociation when under stress. I mean, a lot of people will experience some kind of mild dissociation in their lives, in stressful situations, but there is probably a reason as to why your response is that strong. I found out what my reasons for developing dissociation were, but it didn't take away the problem, as I had to continue to work on acknowledging it, accepting it, and finally integrating whatever trauma there was that caused me to be this way. I do not consider that I have any disorder any more, I am aware that what I deal with is a coping mechanism that has been blown out of its initial proportion, due to significant stress and trauma.

It is important to consult with your therapist about the dosage, as well as about how well you are tolerating the meds.

 

[zigman]

Oh my god I’m experiencing the exact same as you! I don’t use medication though..