[Guest]

Hello, im new to this board and my name is Jeff. Im 18 and have been living with DP for almost a year now. It amazingly sucks, like everyone knows. I was just wondering how everyone functions at work with this disorder. I work for a roof truss company that builds and engineers trusses. I notice now more than ever i really have to force myself to be on the ball more than i used to. I can still fucntion and build like i normally could but it feels like someone else is pounding the fricken hammer and not me. The one good thing is that since my sense of time is totally flat i dont notice 6 am to 4:30pm go by really at all. I have smoked a lot of pot and fiddled around with some chemicals in the past but now im just strictly an alcohol-only person. I dont know what the onset could have been, because i didnt do anything harsh before the onset. I got DP in November of last year and had all tests done, you name it, i got it done it all showed up negative. I went to a psychiatrist about it and from the stories i gave her she said that the anxiety had far more impact on the onset than the drugs did. If it is drug induced, how come when ive ceased the use the feelings are still there? She gave me anxiety medicine and it didnt do anything, in fact made me feel worse. Even when im not anxious or depressed i still feel like a robot 24/7......well, not maybe a robot because robots are solid machines, i feel more like a weightless ghost, when i walk outside and its windy out i feel my body will float away with it. Its really scary not being able to feel your own body, and everyone going through this knows what im talking about. Visual patterns in your brain all screwed up to, its like your own existence frightens you. I know what i said isnt anything new on this board its all been said before. My memory is also severly impaired, its really embarrassing when i see someone and dont know their name but they know mine, it makes me look like some prick that doesnt give a s*** about anybody.

I dont really have anything new to say about the symptoms as everyone here has similar ones. Does everyone else find that you feel better if you listen to your favorite music (mine being metal, REAL metal that is) or go to a social gathering or party it makes you feel more normal? Sometimes i actually convince myself that im not human, and i havent personally met anyone going through the same thing. I dumped a lot of my stoner buddies cuz thats all they do and my system just cant take it anymore. But weed isnt a big loss, not at all. A couple years ago i would have said no way but now......i smoked a joint with a friend a few months ago just to see how my system would react to it now. and it reacted in a very very bad way, it made the sensations absolutely more horrifying, and it was just a bloody doobie for christ sake! how come i can drink 20 beer and be fine but 5 hoots off a joint and i feel like im actually gonna die? doesnt make a lot of sense.

Sorry for rambling but this disorder sometimes just drives me insane. Im able to harness it and control and to an extent ignore it now that ive had it for a year but i still know its there, and it kills me. its like my Heart of Steel has been punctured and my soul is draining out ever so slowly. Ive noticed that a lot of people on this board are highly intelligent as well, and ive read that DP people are often very deep, emotional and intelligent people, i can agree with this, but why are we targeted? Or does DP not give a damn who you are it just hits?

Everyday i pray to the Metal Gods in the Heavens made of Iron that they can help bring back a fallen warrior, because i feel im just a small shadow of my former self. Everyone disagrees with me but i still feel that, im a deeply passionate person, but this i feel is just sucking me away. Suicide has crossed my mind many a time, but i feel thats the easy and selfish way. Also, i never used to self mutilate before this, I was a very different person, even when im insanely scared about my conditon or how weird my body feels in a social situation i always put on a brave face and smile, but it just doesnt feel genuine anymore. To everyone who has this, i feel for all of you but you will all reclaim you Armor and Swords and Shields once again and fight this battle called life.

 

[Guest]

im probably not the only one who goes through almost the same exact things as you do. quitting pot was a good thing for me, too. but i also dropped the booze and that helped. unless your drinking once in a long while, alcohol will make it worse.

all social situations make my dp/dr alot worse. nothing specific quite makes me feel instantly "normal".

and this is important. asking pantera, metallica, aic, tool, etc. to help your mental problems isn't going to work. the only prayers that will help you are the ones directed at jesus. i learned this in my own experience with mental problems.

 

[Sojourner]

Get psychotherapy -- it will help.

 

[kchendrix]

I can tell you first hand that working through this has helped me, because I have the responsibility of wife and kids, I have to work and because of work, it gives me times where I can ruminate about how I feel. So work even though at times I know what you mean by not feeling like it is you , But it is you... Hey I would also recommend lightening up on the ALcohol, stay away from caffiene , stay away from certan over the counter antihistamines...... Try to let your body recover also from the anxiety.... Give your body a rest from as much chemical stimulation as possible.... A lot of alcohol will make your symptoms worse the next day..

But you can still Rock on !