Depersonalization Support Forum banner
1 - 3 of 3 Posts

Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi, i'm a new member to this board, and its so relieving to find that i'm not the only one who has dp/dr.

Here's my story. My name is Derin, I'm an 18 year old male living near Toronto.

pre-DP OCD: I've had ocd problems as far as i know, sometimes they get better sometimes they get worse. I remember when i was very young, when i took a step with one foot, i'd have to take an equally large step with the other to "equalize" it.

POT: Last year during the start of summer it got pretty bad, when my parents were away at work, id wake up, hear a noise and believe there were robbers or monsters or whatever in the house, i'd have to get to the kitchen, get a knife and check behind all doors and closets. Sometimes i'd have to 'refresh' the search.

Later that summer, my ocd got better and i tried smoking pot that my friends were doing. first few times it had no effect (i wasn't inhaling properly). so one day during lunch break at school, i went to a friends house with some others, and there were multiple joints and a parachute (lung), and to make sure i got high this time, i smoked ALOT. I got the good high for a second, and then the more serve attack of DP/DR happened. Everthing was in slides, i couldn't follow a train of thought. I could barly walk. At this time i didn't know anything about drugs and thought i od'd and got pernament crippling brain damage or something. I was so scared, because for all i knew, my life was over. this was intolerable and i had to commit suicide. Freinds assured me it'd go away, and it id.

I smoked pot a bunch of times after that, trying to 'control' it, but without successed. It does increase my DP/DR symptoms, so i stopped that.

DP/DR: One day during this winter, desparete for some sort of high, i downed a bottle of cough syrup containing Dxm. It wasn't a good fealing for me, and out of panic, i had some DR symptoms. And i felt 'lightheaded' afterwards, surely thinking a good nights sleep would cure it. It didn't. I've had periods of rising and dimishing DR/DP symptoms. Feeling the world was a stage, feeling like the world was a picture and i was looking at it from outside, something was "missing", felling out of reality, etc. I thought maybe i fried my brains (again).

I tried different rect drugs to 'fix' it. i picked up a coke habit for a while, but the paranoia from worrying about a heart attack (which is plausable) didn't help.

I found the term 'depersonalization disorder' by browsing through wikipedia. When i googled and saw a description of it, it fit perfectly. So i don't have brain damage, but i have this.

I feel the worst part about this is that i'm wasting my life away, i'm not really living them. i look to the future and see me as i am now, only with a different setting pull around my eyes which would make no difference since i'm not living.

If you read this far, thank you. I hope that i can help disscus/solve/etc our problems.

Discussion Starter · #2 ·
i'd also like to ask a question, i've never seen this before.

Alot of my anxiety attacks, where i fear i'm losing myself comes when i'm trying to fall asleep. when its dark and silent. sometimes i can't stand it because i fall asleep for a second and wake up in fear so i have to turn on my cd player with the shiney lights and play a cd at minimum volume and that sorta 'grounds' me into reality so i can sleep.

does this happen with anyone else?

· Registered
669 Posts
Its been happening lately. I'll wake up an hour after going to sleep and will feel like I'm insane, with incoherent throughts and emotions. I have to calm myself down by putting the TV on and after a while I get back to normal and am able to get to sleep.
1 - 3 of 3 Posts
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.