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New member in need of some support and advice

848 Views 2 Replies 2 Participants Last post by  bat
First off I'd like to say hi to you all, although I've only browsed these boards for a short while it's clear that there are some very insightful and helpful people here. Myself, I'm kind of at the end of my tether right now, and just knowing that this is not "just me" (assuming that what I have is indeed DP/DR) has been a great help indeed.

Anyway, a little about me:

I'm 17 and from England. Just over two months ago a had a "bad trip" on ecstasy, which was downright terrifying. The day after I felt OK enough, a little not "with-it" but nothing to worry about I thought; I got sufficiently drunk to sleep with no problems at all. The following day, however, I found myself having trouble concentrating on studying and everything in general. I later found myself struggling to sleep, having disturbing images flash through my mind and the like, so I rung a mate and slept round his for the night. I was scared as hell.

The feelings persisted for the following week, felt down, scared, empty and just downright "different" to what I'd felt before. Still, I thought, not much to worry about. It can take a week or so to recover from a bad trip, sometimes.

Sure enough, the next week I felt more or less OK, and remained that way for a fortnight. Sure, I was pretty depressed and not quite "with it", but I at least felt "myself", more or less. Any bad feelings I put down to the fact that I was overworking, overdrinking and undersleeping.

Then, seemingly without warning, I began to feel a little "odd" again. And got progressively worse to find myself in the state I was previously for another week. By now I was getting a little worried.

I recovered for a further two weeks, but relapsed again. Now I'm somewhere in-between my "best" and my "worst" with this.

Anyway, here's my general symptoms:

-poor sleeping
-poor appetite
-"empty" feeling
-sadness, apathy, pessimism, sometimes downright nihilism
-feeling "dreamy", not "all there" - almost like I've been drugged
-Ringing ears
-poor concentration, and memory sometimes
-Withdrawal, socially
-lack of confidence
-a general feeling that stuff "feels" different - though I couldn't say why
-lucid dreams, often nightmares
-feeling overwhelmed, unable to deal with life
-Easily disturbed or shocked
-A general fear of losing control
-Feeling "on edge"
-Feeling mentally "cluttered"
-Feeling tired

And more which probably don't occur to me right now.

Like I say, I originally assumed that my problem was some combination of Depression, Anxiety or perhaps even Post-Traumatic-Stress-Disorder, and indeed, many of my symptoms would be consistent with these - and DP/DR can be a symptom of them. I suppose I could be developing some kind of psychosis, though my Doctor assures me I'm not, and, after two months with little worsening symtoms I'm beginning to believe him.

However, looking at most of the posts on this board, I seem to be more of a DP/DR kind of guy. I've always been a little "in my head", thinking about stuff besides my immediate environment, even whilst having a conversation or watching TV. I have intense self-doubt, and very little sense of direction or purpose in life. I'm good at dissecting others personalities but don't really "know myself". I've been searching, with little success, for answers to life in philsophy and the like etc.

Does what I have sound like DP/DR? As long as I remain sane I'm not too bothered what I have. Is medication helpful, or is it not worth it? And does anyone have any general tips for coping with this?

Thanks in advance for any help or advice.
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