[upandaway]

Hello there,

Has anyone experienced deeper and deeper layers of prolinged DP?

Let me give my example:
1.I first developed DP organically from stress. It was the early phases and while it felt awful at the time, it was mostly stress/anxiety/rumination based. Still able to live life relatively normally.
2. I think had a Marijuana experience, and it came back 10 fold - this time the degree of it was much worse, 24/7, and more body-numbness involved. Still could live my life normally, although difficult.
3. I had a brief breakthrough, but then became exhausted and depressed and BOOM, I was hit with a new layer of hell - almost completely left my body, this layer blocked out the experiences of the others, like being DP'd FROM the DP. Blank mind. Had to stop everything and move home, in and out of mental hospital etc.
4. After a couple years of crawling out of the depths of that and moving on to live somewhat normally (although still 24/7 DP), I went through a period of exhaustion and then got triggered in a therapy session and again, BOOM.
This is where I'm at now. This is far worse than any of the times before. I'm completely out of my body - I can't taste, smell, feel my body whatsoever. Feels like everything died. Severe confusion. Severe insomnia as it feels like my brain and body are already sleeping. I can't feel any differentiation between one thing or another - no "little reliefs" like I had before, like watching a movie or seeing a familiar face. Just nothing. Truly out of my body. I'm going to move back home after moving across the country, I'm not really functional.

I've rarely seen anyone talk about this depth of DP. or of having the massive experiences where their dp gets to a whole new level. Am I alone?

 

[leminaseri]

Hello there,

Has anyone experienced deeper and deeper layers of prolinged DP?

Let me give my example:
1.I first developed DP organically from stress. It was the early phases and while it felt awful at the time, it was mostly stress/anxiety/rumination based. Still able to live life relatively normally.
2. I think had a Marijuana experience, and it came back 10 fold - this time the degree of it was much worse, 24/7, and more body-numbness involved. Still could live my life normally, although difficult.
3. I had a brief breakthrough, but then became exhausted and depressed and BOOM, I was hit with a new layer of hell - almost completely left my body, this layer blocked out the experiences of the others, like being DP'd FROM the DP. Blank mind. Had to stop everything and move home, in and out of mental hospital etc.
4. After a couple years of crawling out of the depths of that and moving on to live somewhat normally (although still 24/7 DP), I went through a period of exhaustion and then got triggered in a therapy session and again, BOOM.
This is where I'm at now. This is far worse than any of the times before. I'm completely out of my body - I can't taste, smell, feel my body whatsoever. Feels like everything died. Severe confusion. Severe insomnia as it feels like my brain and body are already sleeping. I can't feel any differentiation between one thing or another - no "little reliefs" like I had before, like watching a movie or seeing a familiar face. Just nothing. Truly out of my body. I'm going to move back home after moving across the country, I'm not really functional.

I've rarely seen anyone talk about this depth of DP. or of having the massive experiences where their dp gets to a whole new level. Am I alone?

oh man, dont know what to say but i completely feel with you.. i literally felt your pain with reading this, and i feel really sorry. ironically even though you seem to be a strong person (the fact that you lived a normal life in spite of dp)

others here can relate more to what youre going through they eventually will reply..

wish you all the best my brother

 

[Aridity]

I don't have it like you, I can smell etc and taste but definitely dulled down. But I have and currently am experiencing way different version of DPDR then the DPDR that I have been experiencing my entirely life, and basically I can't even explain it. Dissociated from the Dissociation maybe you can describe it that way. I am totally withdrawn from time, human connections etc. But am very functional but totally dead, I fake everything almost.

 

[REB]

I super duper relate to this. My dissociation has always been progressive in
nature, and i feel like i've reached stage 4.

 

[upandaway]

I don't have it like you, I can smell etc and taste but definitely dulled down. But I have and currently am experiencing way different version of DPDR then the DPDR that I have been experiencing my entirely life, and basically I can't even explain it. Dissociated from the Dissociation maybe you can describe it that way. I am totally withdrawn from time, human connections etc. But am very functional but totally dead, I fake everything almost.

Are you able to feel any differentiation between things, like maybe feeling slightly more "relaxed" or "happy" when you watch a funny video or something? Right now there's literally 0 difference between things. I think it's just a deeper form of the "freeze" response, more like collapse. Like an animal playing dead vs and animal who is stuck jn the headlights.

 

[upandaway]

I super duper relate to this. My dissociation has always been progressive in
nature, and i feel like i've reached stage 4.

How long have you been dealing with it, and have you ever had any moments of it lifting? It really does feel like an illness with different stages.

 

[upandaway]

oh man, dont know what to say but i completely feel with you.. i literally felt your pain with reading this, and i feel really sorry. ironically even though you seem to be a strong person (the fact that you lived a normal life in spite of dp)

others here can relate more to what youre going through they eventually will reply..

wish you all the best my brother

Thank you. I appreciate it. It's extremely difficult. Whatever level you're at, be grateful it's not this one. I'm really not sure how/if I can get out of this version, I guess time will tell (or not). Wherever you're at in your journey, take care of yourself as best you can, please listen to and care for your energy, rest whenever possible, ask for help. You don't want it to get to a new low.

 

[REB]

I experienced brief episodes of DR all throughout my childhood.
It got chronic in 2004 after a period of existential panic, and it has gotten
progressively worse ever since. Basically.
I've adjusted to every new level of dissociation fairly well, but this latest development has been rather gnarly. I DM'd you.

 

[Aridity]

Are you able to feel any differentiation between things, like maybe feeling slightly more "relaxed" or "happy" when you watch a funny video or something? Right now there's literally 0 difference between things. I think it's just a deeper form of the "freeze" response, more like collapse. Like an animal playing dead vs and animal who is stuck jn the headlights.

I think I am alternating between the different forms all throughout the day, and there is no reasonable explanation for it as to why it happens. It's totally random, I can have moments where my mind seems to be able to produce coherent sentences and I seem very articulate, but with all the dpdr symptoms present of course. But most of the time I have nothing to say, and my mind is not able to produce anything useful. I have a very very hard time to explain how I feel, it's not the same dpdr in anyway or form as it was years ago. People who say it doesn't get worse, are straight up lying, my dpdr goes deeper everytime and then it sets a new baseline. And then you go on like that.

 

[Findingtheway]

Hello there,

Has anyone experienced deeper and deeper layers of prolinged DP?

Let me give my example:
1.I first developed DP organically from stress. It was the early phases and while it felt awful at the time, it was mostly stress/anxiety/rumination based. Still able to live life relatively normally.
2. I think had a Marijuana experience, and it came back 10 fold - this time the degree of it was much worse, 24/7, and more body-numbness involved. Still could live my life normally, although difficult.
3. I had a brief breakthrough, but then became exhausted and depressed and BOOM, I was hit with a new layer of hell - almost completely left my body, this layer blocked out the experiences of the others, like being DP'd FROM the DP. Blank mind. Had to stop everything and move home, in and out of mental hospital etc.
4. After a couple years of crawling out of the depths of that and moving on to live somewhat normally (although still 24/7 DP), I went through a period of exhaustion and then got triggered in a therapy session and again, BOOM.
This is where I'm at now. This is far worse than any of the times before. I'm completely out of my body - I can't taste, smell, feel my body whatsoever. Feels like everything died. Severe confusion. Severe insomnia as it feels like my brain and body are already sleeping. I can't feel any differentiation between one thing or another - no "little reliefs" like I had before, like watching a movie or seeing a familiar face. Just nothing. Truly out of my body. I'm going to move back home after moving across the country, I'm not really functional.

I've rarely seen anyone talk about this depth of DP. or of having the massive experiences where their dp gets to a whole new level. Am I alone?

Check hormones…all of us are over analyzing this cause we go to the doctors and they ignore the obvious…our tests come back normal and it forces us to second guess ourselves…fight or flight is at face value..if u are being triggered and ur body and mind choose to flee and this happens chronically…it results in state of numbness…and we go further into ourselves…we need to get our fight back whatever that means…for myself right now i feel like the ability to express emotion is blunted…and it not anhedonia which is strange in explaining because the drive and pleasure is there but it’s the lack of friction…almost like nothing startles me anymore…I imagine adrenaline junkies systems run the same way…they become desensitized…we all need that jolt and to reestablish the boundaries of the physical world…when ur stress response is in balance and in tune with nervous system that’s how we get ourselves back….check hormones my friend nothing to lose everything to gain.

 

[upandaway]

Check hormones…all of us are over analyzing this cause we go to the doctors and they ignore the obvious…our tests come back normal and it forces us to second guess ourselves…fight or flight is at face value..if u are being triggered and ur body and mind choose to flee and this happens chronically…it results in state of numbness…and we go further into ourselves…we need to get our fight back whatever that means…for myself right now i feel like the ability to express emotion is blunted…and it not anhedonia which is strange in explaining because the drive and pleasure is there but it’s the lack of friction…almost like nothing startles me anymore…I imagine adrenaline junkies systems run the same way…they become desensitized…we all need that jolt and to reestablish the boundaries of the physical world…when ur stress response is in balance and in tune with nervous system that’s how we get ourselves back….check hormones my friend nothing to lose everything to gain.

I totally understand where you're coming from. The body has to be healthy enough and energized enough to be able to move out if the freeze/collapse response and into the fight response. And that takes a LOT of energy, energy that's hard to obtain while in a freeze state, where the body is slow and metabolizing at a slower rate than a healthy body.

Unfortunately I did get my hormones checked and nothing was too unusual. I've been on thyroid medication for years, which has been stable. My cortisol and pregnenalone were slightly low, but nothing too extreme. Otherwise it's all "normal". I'll be going back to my very healthy diet soon and seeing what that can do.

The body numbness for me is the wildest aspect...it's like completely asleep. No desires or interests, no reactions to anything externally. Just totally numb and blank.

 

[upandaway]

Check hormones…all of us are over analyzing this cause we go to the doctors and they ignore the obvious…our tests come back normal and it forces us to second guess ourselves…fight or flight is at face value..if u are being triggered and ur body and mind choose to flee and this happens chronically…it results in state of numbness…and we go further into ourselves…we need to get our fight back whatever that means…for myself right now i feel like the ability to express emotion is blunted…and it not anhedonia which is strange in explaining because the drive and pleasure is there but it’s the lack of friction…almost like nothing startles me anymore…I imagine adrenaline junkies systems run the same way…they become desensitized…we all need that jolt and to reestablish the boundaries of the physical world…when ur stress response is in balance and in tune with nervous system that’s how we get ourselves back….check hormones my friend nothing to lose everything to gain.

Also, I've been in that place you're in, where there's drive and pleasure...hold on to those things and maximize them, and work on managing stress in body-based ways (yoga, meditative practices) and I think you're on the right track. I think having drive is a great sign that your body wants to come out of this state.

 

[upandaway]

I think I am alternating between the different forms all throughout the day, and there is no reasonable explanation for it as to why it happens. It's totally random, I can have moments where my mind seems to be able to produce coherent sentences and I seem very articulate, but with all the dpdr symptoms present of course. But most of the time I have nothing to say, and my mind is not able to produce anything useful. I have a very very hard time to explain how I feel, it's not the same dpdr in anyway or form as it was years ago. People who say it doesn't get worse, are straight up lying, my dpdr goes deeper everytime and then it sets a new baseline. And then you go on like that.

I know what you mean, it definitely CAN get worse. I'm not saying that to scare anyone who might be reading, but it is true. There are different levels of the "freeze" response, and also so many variations of what hormones, neurotransmitters, chemicals, and brain structures can be doing. Stress can and does create lasting effects on the brain and body, and if it's not nipped in the bud, it can become kind of complicated to get out of/figure out.

How have you tried to manage or deal with symptoms? Any therapeutic practices?

 

[Aridity]

I know what you mean, it definitely CAN get worse. I'm not saying that to scare anyone who might be reading, but it is true. There are different levels of the "freeze" response, and also so many variations of what hormones, neurotransmitters, chemicals, and brain structures can be doing. Stress can and does create lasting effects on the brain and body, and if it's not nipped in the bud, it can become kind of complicated to get out of/figure out.

How have you tried to manage or deal with symptoms? Any therapeutic practices?

Of course I have tried to manage or deal with the symptoms, that's something I do on a daily basis to stay alive. I have tried various medications, and regular "talk therapy". Did not do much, other then that I have tried meditation, working out breathing body based shit but never for a long time. But nothing really.. I am really thinking about trying Psychedelics, because I think it's more of a hidden subconscious soul pain thing for me.

 

[upandaway]

Of course I have tried to manage or deal with the symptoms, that's something I do on a daily basis to stay alive. I have tried various medications, and regular "talk therapy". Did not do much, other then that I have tried meditation, working out breathing body based shit but never for a long time. But nothing really.. I am really thinking about trying Psychedelics, because I think it's more of a hidden subconscious soul pain thing for me.

I wish you the best with that, I'm sure you know to be careful but I'll say it anyways. I know what you mean about soul pain. I wonder if this is some kind of deep karmic wound or intergenerational stuff that has chosen my life to manifest in. I'm sorry that the things you've tried haven't really worked for you (or maybe they have, at least enough to keep you going). <3

 

[Aridity]

I wish you the best with that, I'm sure you know to be careful but I'll say it anyways. I know what you mean about soul pain. I wonder if this is some kind of deep karmic wound or intergenerational stuff that has chosen my life to manifest in. I'm sorry that the things you've tried haven't really worked for you (or maybe they have, at least enough to keep you going). <3

It seems like, I haven't processed traumatic events that happened to me because I can't access them. The dp/dr has always been there in one way or another, when I was a baby my whole belly got burned by hot water. No lasting damage god thanks, at the age of 4 I got my finger tip chopped off by a sewer lid, and I think it all started there. I have a mother with Borderline disorder, and grew up in household full of shouting and fighting and insecurity. Being on edge 24/7

 

[upandaway]

It seems like, I haven't processed traumatic events that happened to me because I can't access them. The dp/dr has always been there in one way or another, when I was a baby my whole belly got burned by hot water. No lasting damage god thanks, at the age of 4 I got my finger tip chopped off by a sewer lid, and I think it all started there. I have a mother with Borderline disorder, and grew up in household full of shouting and fighting and insecurity. Being on edge 24/7

Yikes, I understand. It's impossible to meaningfully process the trauma while you're dissociated, so it feels like a trap. It seems that the actual "trauma work" can't happen until we've learned to come into some of our body and grounding, which as we know, is quite hard. I like to believe that the body knows what to do and inherently wants to come back into a healing state, but the process keeps getting thwarted. I don't know you, but I believe in your healing, whether that means breaking free of DP or finding happiness within it, which I do believe is a possible, viable option. I've definitely lived some decent years while having dp, where I'm not exactly HAPPY but feel involved in my life, not ruminating, and finding little things enjoyable and having meaningful friendships, even if they're a bit distant. At this point, that's my goal - I don't even know if I care about "coming out" of DP, just getting to a point where it's not ruling my entire life.

 

[Aridity]

Yikes, I understand. It's impossible to meaningfully process the trauma while you're dissociated, so it feels like a trap. It seems that the actual "trauma work" can't happen until we've learned to come into some of our body and grounding, which as we know, is quite hard. I like to believe that the body knows what to do and inherently wants to come back into a healing state, but the process keeps getting thwarted. I don't know you, but I believe in your healing, whether that means breaking free of DP or finding happiness within it, which I do believe is a possible, viable option. I've definitely lived some decent years while having dp, where I'm not exactly HAPPY but feel involved in my life, not ruminating, and finding little things enjoyable and having meaningful friendships, even if they're a bit distant. At this point, that's my goal - I don't even know if I care about "coming out" of DP, just getting to a point where it's not ruling my entire life.

Agreed.

Yikes, I understand. It's impossible to meaningfully process the trauma while you're dissociated, so it feels like a trap. It seems that the actual "trauma work" can't happen until we've learned to come into some of our body and grounding, which as we know, is quite hard. I like to believe that the body knows what to do and inherently wants to come back into a healing state, but the process keeps getting thwarted. I don't know you, but I believe in your healing, whether that means breaking free of DP or finding happiness within it, which I do believe is a possible, viable option. I've definitely lived some decent years while having dp, where I'm not exactly HAPPY but feel involved in my life, not ruminating, and finding little things enjoyable and having meaningful friendships, even if they're a bit distant. At this point, that's my goal - I don't even know if I care about "coming out" of DP, just getting to a point where it's not ruling my entire life.

Couldn't have said it better, that version of dp/dr you described is something I wish to trade for with my current situation. I think I never truly was HAPPY like you said, but definitely way more involved in life. Even though nowadays I am way more active and thriving in my career and such but way more disconnected from it all so it matters less. I can accept dpdr, heck I have already accepted it a long time ago. But the way it is now is nowhere near a meaningful life, it seems like It from the outside but nothing what I do is accompanied by intense emotion or anything. It's very hard, also to feel like you're not able to operate at your full potential is heart wrenching because I know deep inside I am such a capable smart individual, but I just can't put it to practical use you know.

 

[upandaway]

Agreed.
Couldn't have said it better, that version of dp/dr you described is something I wish to trade for with my current situation. I think I never truly was HAPPY like you said, but definitely way more involved in life. Even though nowadays I am way more active and thriving in my career and such but way more disconnected from it all so it matters less. I can accept dpdr, heck I have already accepted it a long time ago. But the way it is now is nowhere near a meaningful life, it seems like It from the outside but nothing what I do is accompanied by intense emotion or anything. It's very hard, also to feel like you're not able to operate at your full potential is heart wrenching because I know deep inside I am such a capable smart individual, but I just can't put it to practical use you know.

Absolutely. I believe you that you're a very smart and capable person - obviously just to get to the point you're at, still surviving with DP and even holding down a job at all is very impressive. And yeah, maybe it's just about striving for a degree of the disorder where you just feel more involved and content than where you're currently at. Do you have any relationships? I have found that the times in my life when I have a relationship (when I'm ABLE to - God knows right now I wouldn't do well in one, and there wouldn't be a point), I'm a little more able to connect and find meaning.

The fact that you're doing well in a career right now tells me that you're definitely capable of finding a little more presence and meaning. Having SOME functionality means maybe you can maybe little changes and tweaks - idk, just a thought.

Did your dp slowly become worse lately?

 

[Aridity]

Absolutely. I believe you that you're a very smart and capable person - obviously just to get to the point you're at, still surviving with DP and even holding down a job at all is very impressive. And yeah, maybe it's just about striving for a degree of the disorder where you just feel more involved and content than where you're currently at. Do you have any relationships? I have found that the times in my life when I have a relationship (when I'm ABLE to - God knows right now I wouldn't do well in one, and there wouldn't be a point), I'm a little more able to connect and find meaning.

The fact that you're doing well in a career right now tells me that you're definitely capable of finding a little more presence and meaning. Having SOME functionality means maybe you can maybe little changes and tweaks - idk, just a thought.

Did your dp slowly become worse lately?

Thank you I appreciate your support, uhm it's like every time something very stressful happens I get thrown into a deeper pit and that's the new baseline. It got very much worse after a severe heartbreak 2 years ago, which opened something up. I experienced huge amount of emotions, crying, stomach ache and all emotions that arise when having your heartbroken, I did not sleep for 7 months. And I cried for 9 months straight EVERY DAY, it was involuntary but then it subsided around the 11 month mark finally.. but was left with worsened dpdr and much more emotional numb than before. If I am being honest I rather go back to the heartbreak, it made me feel more. I still felt dpdr throughout the whole ordeal but with more emotions etc, hard to explain.