I often wonder if I didn't really die when I fell out of that moving station wagon at the age of six. This could be hell.twice shy said:
But don't let me get you down even further. Stick around. I'm a newbie here myself,but so far so good.
e
new- intro
G
im a BPD 23y/o female who has recently realized and come to understand my DP/DR symptoms, if you will.
in all honest untill i started reading around as most of you can understand i had no idea that i was not the only one. and while it saddend me to know the pain so many face the fact that its real and not all in my head [oh but it is] is comforting to some weird degree.
it started over a decade ago when i started using new names, when ever shit got to bad i changed my name, my look my reality.i wore lots of differnt wigs and maintend differnt characters, all knowingly. yet somehow in complet oblivion to what i was doing.
i statred severly have DP/DR episodes in the last 4 months.
things seem foggy to say the least.
i am not sure if am dead or alive or if im just here and if here is actually anyhting.
i sufferd a head trauma about amonth ago which made all my symptoms and episodes get fr worse, as with a a bad concussion eevn a "normal" persond abiltly to percive is compromised.
i started taking meds[ just paxil] which have some what slowed down the inner dialoague but it is FAR from gone.
when things get really bad i usually just dose up on valuim and cry.
i've been getting the urge so SI for no real reson if not to just feel soemthing.
i am never really sure if i am awake or dreaming. and i am alomst certain i died in the accident where i got the head trauma. i am howeer assuerd i am not. but hell its all my mind not wanting to come to temrs with the fact i am dead. or is it.
i c ant go on like this though. i cannot fight so hard for moment which dont seem to mean much of anything.
i do not have the energy left in me.
i am scared all the time that reality will shift.
it is all shifting but what about that one time when i dont come back
im scared.
terrified.
i do not know what to do. i try so hard to hold my peices close together so one dae i can glue tham all back and be me. but i dont even know ifi am.
i just htought id introduce myself. but i dont even know if this is real.
fuk i feel like a moron.
in all honest untill i started reading around as most of you can understand i had no idea that i was not the only one. and while it saddend me to know the pain so many face the fact that its real and not all in my head [oh but it is] is comforting to some weird degree.
it started over a decade ago when i started using new names, when ever shit got to bad i changed my name, my look my reality.i wore lots of differnt wigs and maintend differnt characters, all knowingly. yet somehow in complet oblivion to what i was doing.
i statred severly have DP/DR episodes in the last 4 months.
things seem foggy to say the least.
i am not sure if am dead or alive or if im just here and if here is actually anyhting.
i sufferd a head trauma about amonth ago which made all my symptoms and episodes get fr worse, as with a a bad concussion eevn a "normal" persond abiltly to percive is compromised.
i started taking meds[ just paxil] which have some what slowed down the inner dialoague but it is FAR from gone.
when things get really bad i usually just dose up on valuim and cry.
i've been getting the urge so SI for no real reson if not to just feel soemthing.
i am never really sure if i am awake or dreaming. and i am alomst certain i died in the accident where i got the head trauma. i am howeer assuerd i am not. but hell its all my mind not wanting to come to temrs with the fact i am dead. or is it.
i c ant go on like this though. i cannot fight so hard for moment which dont seem to mean much of anything.
i do not have the energy left in me.
i am scared all the time that reality will shift.
it is all shifting but what about that one time when i dont come back
im scared.
terrified.
i do not know what to do. i try so hard to hold my peices close together so one dae i can glue tham all back and be me. but i dont even know ifi am.
i just htought id introduce myself. but i dont even know if this is real.
fuk i feel like a moron.
1 - 1 of 3 Posts
But don't let me get you down even further. Stick around. I'm a newbie here myself,but so far so good.
e
1 - 1 of 3 Posts
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