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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hello, all

I guess that I just want to introduce "myself" to everyone--i just registered today and read through a few of the posts and decided that maybe i should start contributing to them right away since you seemed to have helped out each other quite a bit.

Well,

I'm 18 and a high school senior from Pennsylvania and have lived with DP and DR for as far back as I can remember ... maybe 4 or 5 years old. I never really thought that anything was "wrong," though b/c I just thought that everyone thought/felt/lived the same way. So, for years I never said anything about what I was experiencing and would just shrug off the "reboots" as I called the regular, brief DP/DR experiences that I likened to a computer recalling it's own personal information: model/name, external hardward, internal hardware, and finally the internal software (or the BS stuff of the day like what I was wearing or where previous train of thought had ended).

--SKIP AHEAD TO ABOUT THREE MONTHS AGO--

I started seeing a psychiatrist after a severe bout of depression recently. A few weeks later, he diagnosed me with cyclothymia, a less severe form of bipolar disorder (hypomania replaces the more psycotic mania and manic delusions), and shortly after that officially :) DP. I was thankful that what I feel isn't the same thing that everyone else feels--it was at that moment that a door to some kind of hope was opened for me. So now, a month or so later, I've begun to have what I call "normal days," days that don't make me feel like I'm wearing "that stupid man suit" as Frank would say it. But I'm still at a terrible loss when it comes to emotion; I want to be happy, to cry, to laugh a smile of substance, but I can't. Instead, there is only a void in which my knowing of what I should be feeling/doing exists. Does anyone else know what I'm talking about?

Well, I'll be around quite a bit, especially since senior year doesn't require much effort, and I wish everyone the best of luck.

--Chris

P.S. I also feel an intense "boredom" towards the real, an almost existential prodding of a thought that reality doesn't matter because whether I live or not emotionally won't make any difference. Anyone??? Also, lately I've been noticing a new sensation that I'm calling "deletion." It's a funny tingling sensation that starts slow and then speeds up until it feels like my body has sublimated from solid to gas ... this one I'm interested in b/c I haven't read about it anywhere. Thanks again
 
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Discussion Starter · #2 ·
-Soliloquy

I'm a manic-depressive so I know how you feel. Welcome to the board and I hope you feel better soon.
 

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soliloquy said:
But I'm still at a terrible loss when it comes to emotion; I want to be happy, to cry, to laugh a smile of substance, but I can't. Instead, there is only a void in which my knowing of what I should be feeling/doing exists. Does anyone else know what I'm talking about?
I know exactly what you're talking about, Chris (as I'm sure everyone on this board does).

P.S. I also feel an intense "boredom" towards the real, an almost existential prodding of a thought that reality doesn't matter because whether I live or not emotionally won't make any difference. Anyone???
That one I can relate to as well ("emotional nausea" I've heard it referred to as). You've come to the right place. Welcome.

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