[dead_dog]

I started having derealization(along with depression) when I was 8 off and on. sometimes it would be like that for weeks, then go away for months. was still a problem, felt like there was something deeply wrong with me, like I didn't exist, like my body didn't belong to me, etc. when I was about 14 I developed really (really) bad depression and anxiety, and the derealization came in intense episodes where I would be fighting not to black out while my body continued to do and say things, but I couldn't tell what I was doing because I felt too far back "into my head" before waking up hours later having gone through my daily life somehow. I started having more memory blackouts, and developed full on DID, triggered by pretty much being around any other human being. that only lasted about a year, but I have pretty much been completely dissociated/ depersonalized for the last 11 years. I can hardly think, I can hardly feel, I can hardly remember things. I feel like i'm trapped in a little box alone, a million miles away from anyone else. I know I'm not crazy, but it feels like i'm stuck in some horrible dream that i'm always on the verge of waking up from. I have gone to two neurologists, one of which decided that absolutely nothing was wrong with me(I went to him for memory blackouts) and the other just decided that intense chronic derealization was nothing to worry about, and there was absolutely no reason to try and help me with it. I need help, I feel like this has destroyed my life. I don't know what else I can do to try and find normality again. Some rare times (every few months or years) for a minute or so, it might go away if I tell myself something like " I am not in physical danger, I am not alone" but it never lasts. and I don't think it works anymore. it has been 11 years, and it has never for a second become any less horrible to live through.

so, any suggestions?

 

[106473]

Hey and welcome!

(Use paragraphs, first one, easier for all of us to help)

Okay so you are like mid 20's? or did i pick that up wrong...

Read 'Holy Grail DP' is a suggestion.. lower anxiety is talked about in more detail than i could write there, I found distraction was the best coping mechanism but advice for moving forward other than that thread... medication. I very much believe in the OP of Holy Grails methods and think it's important on or off medication, i just think you seem in a constant state of anxiety?

To me it sounds like you are on no medication? I found even the right anti depressant helps. To name two, Escitalopram i read often here and I like Mirtazapine. I'd see how one anti depressant which should not be hard to get from a GP never mind anyone higher, don't let them say no, just say you have DP and depression for 10 years (who cares if that's true) and you want one. I don't read a lot of lovers of Zoloft which i have had, so maybe show them a Kings College document which lists a specific one to get you past that, Escitalopram is what of the top of my head it says on the report, which you can find on the internet, probably in this site or i'll email you it.

It also has a combo on that report but if you haven't tried anything, maybe start of slow, that's what i'd do.

A physiatrist is who you need to see really. A good one who understands DP.
First i'd see how you and the GP and you are getting along.

it's good that you have something on paper or from the Neurologists mouth that you can tell a physiatrist to work on, that's one less battle IMO.