[Guest]

Hi. I'm Ashley. I'm 17 years old.

For awhile now I've been experiencing what I believe it derealization.

It's so difficult to explain how it feels, but I will try my best.

Everything around me feels unreal. I feel like I'm lost within a dream. The environment loses its vibrance. The grass which was once bright green now is a hazy green. Its like the whole world around me is foggy. When someone talks to me they seem louder and somewhat echo-like.

I hope I explained it okay.

I've been diagnosed with depression and ocd. I believe I suffer panic attacks, but haven't been diagnosed with panic disorder yet.

What do you think this all is? Its very scary and I usually end up cutting myself to make it go away.

 

[danilee]

Hi, and welcome. Sounds like Derealization to me. I am new to all of this. I dont cut myself, but I have heard of that. Please be careful, and make sure that you tell your Dr. that you are cutting yourself. Good luck, this board is very supportive to all of us. Sorry you are here, but again Welcome!

 

[LOSTONE]

People usaly cut themselves because they don't like thereself for some reason or another. I think it is a very stupid act. If you don't like something about yourself than try to change, DON"T CUT YOURSELF!

My sister has been cutting herself sense she was 13, she is now 31 and has cuts all over her arms and legs that will never go away. She is still as depressed as ever (the cuts didn't work I suppose).
My sister was once a good looking girl, but now she has to cover her arms and legs to look normal.

I can fully understand how dp/dr, guilt and depression can make you want to cut yourself, but the fact you must remember is that you are only makeing matters worse.

If you want to feel pain to experience your exsistence try banging your head on a cement wall, at least you won't have permanent scars!

Just to let you know, I am personaly very turned off from a girl with cuts on her body. It makes me lose respect for her. I would guess that all guys feel this way.

I hope and pray you stop the cutting NOW!

 

[Sojourner]

Cutting releases endorphins, natural opium-like substances within the body, which can provide comfort for emotional distress.

There are other ways to release endorphins -- during exercise, for example, which is known to make people feel better.

LOSTONE, show your sister some of the enormous mass of information available about cutting and endorphins. She might stop if she learns that she's not crazy.

 

[LOSTONE]

My sister has done her homework when it comes to any mental issues.
She no longer cuts herself but is suicidle from time to time. She does regret cutting herself, but it is to late for her to get her looks back.
Cutting youself is as permanent as getting a tattoo. The diffrence is that with a tattoo you are telling people you want to look cool, with cuts your telling them you have problems. Even long after your problems are gone people will still judge you for your cuts.

One time a stanger walked right up to my sister and asked her if she was on heroin(because of the cuts).
People love to judge others, why give them any leverage?

 

[bright23]

Hey Lostone ? I think that goes down as one of the most unhelpful, insensitive and disrepectful posts I've ever seen on this sight... have some compassion will you? Especially with a newcomer... jeesh.

ASHLEY ? I takes a lot of courage to talk about these things and so I want to welcome to this site. You're in the right place.

When Janine gets back from her holiday she'll have some things she can relate to you on, esp. the cutting. Check out her story and her posts, they're inspiring for all of us here...

And again... welcome.

 

[university girl]

Ashley,

Sounds like DP/DR to me. I am sure you will read lots you can relate to on this site. Feelings of unreality, living in a dream, and the echo talking... I can relate to those. I am not sure I have seen anyone else write about the sound of others' voices being almost too loud. For me, it almost hurts my ears or something. It's not quite like someone has turned up the volume but more like my ears have become over-sensitive to what they are saying. It's almost uncomfortable to hear them. Also, along with this, often when I do hear someone say something, their words seem to quickly dissapear from my consciousness, like they never said it at all or something. Can you relate to this? It was bugging me a lot today. Feel free to PM me if you want. I often feel like cutting myself when I am in a bad state and feel there is nothing else I can do to help myself... but thus far I have managed not to cut myself. Are you seeing a counsellor?

Hi. I'm Ashley. I'm 17 years old.

For awhile now I've been experiencing what I believe it derealization.

It's so difficult to explain how it feels, but I will try my best.

Everything around me feels unreal. I feel like I'm lost within a dream. The environment loses its vibrance. The grass which was once bright green now is a hazy green. Its like the whole world around me is foggy. When someone talks to me they seem louder and somewhat echo-like.

I hope I explained it okay.

I've been diagnosed with depression and ocd. I believe I suffer panic attacks, but haven't been diagnosed with panic disorder yet.

What do you think this all is? Its very scary and I usually end up cutting myself to make it go away.

 

[LOSTONE]

I am sorry if I sounded harsh, but reality is harsh and so are people.
I know firsthand what it is like to cut yourself. I did this a few times myself when I was young. My mother cut her wrist in front of me when I was 11 years old. I have walked into my sisters room looking for her, only to find a butcher knife and a pile of gutts on the bed.

I am sorry ashley if I offended you but I just want you to STOP PLEASE!

I also feel that the best therapy is offensive and realistic therapy!

Nobody gets any therapy out of feeling sorry for themselfs, or by haveing others feel sorry for them.

brigth23 this is my ditorted way of showing compassion. My dp/dr has distorted everything about me.
Thank you brigth23 for pointing out my lack/distortion of compassion.
I did not have a clue that is how I sounded.

 

[bright23]

"My mother cut her wrist in front of me when I was 11 years old. I have walked into my sisters room looking for her, only to find a butcher knife and a pile of gutts on the bed."

My God Lostone... that's terrible. I understand where your response is coming from.

I've never known anyone really well who was a cutter. I'm probably the most ignorant one here on the subject...

 

[M A R S]

I used to cut my self on the arms. I never really thought about it till now. :?

 

[Guest]

Lostone, thanks for being so direct. I can tell that you really do care because of the pain you've endured. I just want to say thanks because over the past few months I've wanted to cut myself to ease my pain, but your reply has helped me think otherwise, especially the thing about guys being turned off by it. So thanks.

 

[Martinelv]

Hello mate. I won't say welcome because I wish you didn't have to visit sites like this - if you see what I mean. None of us here would wish this horror on anyone, especially someone as young as you. What a bastard illness.

But, yes - what you posted is a very accurate description of DR/DP. So as the people on this board can help you, do you have idea why this started ? How long you've had it ? Are you recieving anykind of therapy / medication ? There is a wealth of experience on this board, and even if they can't give you the answers, they might be able to point you in the right direction - and there is always sympathy and understanding. Either way, don't think you're going to be like this for the rest of your life, because you're not. It's an illness just like any other, or a symptom of one, so hang in there..

 

[LOSTONE]

I feel bad about talking about my sister now. I just found out that she has been missing for a few days. This means she is either back in the hospital or is dead. Usually she gives her dog to someone in the family to take care of for her when she visits the hospital. My brother also said she told him she was going to kill herself a few days ago.
I hope she is not dead. I feel like I cursed her!

 

[Sojourner]

Do not blame yourself, Lostone! Please!

Everyone reading this will probably pray that she is all right and that you do not punish yourself for reaching out to help someone else, which is what you did.

 

[LOSTONE]

I just wanted to let everyone know my sister is most likely in the hospital.
The cops went to her house and couldent see any signs that she was inside. I am pissed that nobody in my family cares to even drive to her house to see whats going on. If I had a car I would drive out there, it's only a 40 min drive.
This is what my sister gets I guess. She has tried to kill herself so many times that nobody really cares anymore. Thats what happens!
I hate liveing in my family, anybody want to trade?

 

[rainboteers]

LOSTONE,

I dont really know what to say except I am so sorry you are going through this and I really hope your sister is okay.