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New here and new to DR

794 Views 12 Replies 3 Participants Last post by  Moral Support
I have resisted coming to this forum for a few months now because all the advice I get is that being here is navel gazing and it will only make things worse. I don't know if that is true or not, but I would like to share my story.

I am now 50 years old, and have not had any episodes of DR since I was a teen. When I was really young, like 5 to 8 years old I would get episodes that would last a few hours. It was like a switch would flip and everything familiar would look different, like my perspective was totally different. It didn't scare me when I was small and I instinctually knew it would pass, and it always did. I didn't have any overt trauma or anything like that as a child (at least that I was aware of), but I was a very hyper-sensitive child prone to some obsessive thinking.

Fast forward to my teen years, and I only had a few fleeing DR experiences when I was in a classroom at night school. It was the flourescent lighting and being in a classroom at night that set it off, at least that is what I felt and I was not scared of it and it passed quickly.

Now fast forward to 2021. I have been very afraid of COVID. My mother passed away in a nursing home (I was with her, alone in the room), and in April of 2021 I took a fall on the stairs and became very obsessed with not healing. I wouldn't go into the doctor's office and I think I started to lose touch with reality at that point. I was in constant irrational fear and had a couple of short DR episodes in May of 2021. I recognized that feeling from when I was a kid.

I was in pretty bad stress for a couple of months and then in June of 2021 I had a week where my sleep was bad (interupted) and my arms started to prickle and go numb (I didn't know anxiety could do this). I freaked out and went into the hospital and when I went into the ER I further freaked out that the people there were waiting to get COVID tests. I don't even know why my brain went was a total irrational panic freak out.

Anyway, after that day, I could not sleep anymore. Everytime I tried to sleep I got a head zap that would wake me up. It was torture. I was like this all of July 2021 and finally in August I reached out for pshyciatric help. By this time I felt like I was swimming in a soup of unreality. Every thought that entered my head scared me. Everything I looked at was foreign and scary. I couldn't watch TV or listen to music because everything scared me.

Where am I today? I currently take 20 mg Lexapro, 25 mg Seroquel and 0.5 mg Klonopin. I hate being on medication. I have never taken medication before in my life! I have never been depressed and although I was prone to anxiousness, I could always manage it.

I do feel that I have made progress with the anxiety (I am doing CBT with a therapist), and although the DR is still very much with me, I can watch TV, listen to music and go out for a walk without getting too bent out of shape. Things still seem unfamiliar and I feel detached from my emotions about things. This can be very upsetting and get me really depressed. I used to feel very engaged and connected to things.

That said, I do feel like things are slowly improving. I am starting to feel a little bit of enthusiasm for some things and activites. I just figure it will be a slow, gradual healing process.

If anyone here wants to correspond with me because you have had similar experiences. Please do!
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Welcome to the Forum Canadian Brother,

Perhaps your mother passing triggered your inner child to reemerge in this hour. Since you mentioned you had DR experiences as a kid. I recommend self love, and yes as you stated, patience and support.
Ah! Canadian SISTER :)

Have you ever tried Meditation?
May I ask your general wherabouts in Canada?
I'm your brother from another country :)
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