Thank you so much for sharing - I left the most relevant parts of how I feel from your post. I never had symptoms as a child but have had a lot of stresses/triggers the past few months I feel may have led to my depersonalization episodes. I feel exactly as you do, especially with the obsessive thoughts and everything scaring me. It’s so nice to know I’m not alone. You also explained it in such an eloquent way; I can neeevvveeerrr explain how I’m feeling which makes it even more frustrating. But now I’m gonna reference your comment to my psychiatrist to hopefully help her with a diagnosis and some insight. I’m glad you’re making progress it gives me hope.
New here and new to DR
I have resisted coming to this forum for a few months now because all the advice I get is that being here is navel gazing and it will only make things worse. I don't know if that is true or not, but I would like to share my story.
I am now 50 years old, and have not had any episodes of DR since I was a teen. When I was really young, like 5 to 8 years old I would get episodes that would last a few hours. It was like a switch would flip and everything familiar would look different, like my perspective was totally different. It didn't scare me when I was small and I instinctually knew it would pass, and it always did. I didn't have any overt trauma or anything like that as a child (at least that I was aware of), but I was a very hyper-sensitive child prone to some obsessive thinking.
Fast forward to my teen years, and I only had a few fleeing DR experiences when I was in a classroom at night school. It was the flourescent lighting and being in a classroom at night that set it off, at least that is what I felt and I was not scared of it and it passed quickly.
Now fast forward to 2021. I have been very afraid of COVID. My mother passed away in a nursing home (I was with her, alone in the room), and in April of 2021 I took a fall on the stairs and became very obsessed with not healing. I wouldn't go into the doctor's office and I think I started to lose touch with reality at that point. I was in constant irrational fear and had a couple of short DR episodes in May of 2021. I recognized that feeling from when I was a kid.
I was in pretty bad stress for a couple of months and then in June of 2021 I had a week where my sleep was bad (interupted) and my arms started to prickle and go numb (I didn't know anxiety could do this). I freaked out and went into the hospital and when I went into the ER I further freaked out that the people there were waiting to get COVID tests. I don't even know why my brain went there.......it was a total irrational panic freak out.
Anyway, after that day, I could not sleep anymore. Everytime I tried to sleep I got a head zap that would wake me up. It was torture. I was like this all of July 2021 and finally in August I reached out for pshyciatric help. By this time I felt like I was swimming in a soup of unreality. Every thought that entered my head scared me. Everything I looked at was foreign and scary. I couldn't watch TV or listen to music because everything scared me.
Where am I today? I currently take 20 mg Lexapro, 25 mg Seroquel and 0.5 mg Klonopin. I hate being on medication. I have never taken medication before in my life! I have never been depressed and although I was prone to anxiousness, I could always manage it.
I do feel that I have made progress with the anxiety (I am doing CBT with a therapist), and although the DR is still very much with me, I can watch TV, listen to music and go out for a walk without getting too bent out of shape. Things still seem unfamiliar and I feel detached from my emotions about things. This can be very upsetting and get me really depressed. I used to feel very engaged and connected to things.
That said, I do feel like things are slowly improving. I am starting to feel a little bit of enthusiasm for some things and activites. I just figure it will be a slow, gradual healing process.
If anyone here wants to correspond with me because you have had similar experiences. Please do!
I am now 50 years old, and have not had any episodes of DR since I was a teen. When I was really young, like 5 to 8 years old I would get episodes that would last a few hours. It was like a switch would flip and everything familiar would look different, like my perspective was totally different. It didn't scare me when I was small and I instinctually knew it would pass, and it always did. I didn't have any overt trauma or anything like that as a child (at least that I was aware of), but I was a very hyper-sensitive child prone to some obsessive thinking.
Fast forward to my teen years, and I only had a few fleeing DR experiences when I was in a classroom at night school. It was the flourescent lighting and being in a classroom at night that set it off, at least that is what I felt and I was not scared of it and it passed quickly.
Now fast forward to 2021. I have been very afraid of COVID. My mother passed away in a nursing home (I was with her, alone in the room), and in April of 2021 I took a fall on the stairs and became very obsessed with not healing. I wouldn't go into the doctor's office and I think I started to lose touch with reality at that point. I was in constant irrational fear and had a couple of short DR episodes in May of 2021. I recognized that feeling from when I was a kid.
I was in pretty bad stress for a couple of months and then in June of 2021 I had a week where my sleep was bad (interupted) and my arms started to prickle and go numb (I didn't know anxiety could do this). I freaked out and went into the hospital and when I went into the ER I further freaked out that the people there were waiting to get COVID tests. I don't even know why my brain went there.......it was a total irrational panic freak out.
Anyway, after that day, I could not sleep anymore. Everytime I tried to sleep I got a head zap that would wake me up. It was torture. I was like this all of July 2021 and finally in August I reached out for pshyciatric help. By this time I felt like I was swimming in a soup of unreality. Every thought that entered my head scared me. Everything I looked at was foreign and scary. I couldn't watch TV or listen to music because everything scared me.
Where am I today? I currently take 20 mg Lexapro, 25 mg Seroquel and 0.5 mg Klonopin. I hate being on medication. I have never taken medication before in my life! I have never been depressed and although I was prone to anxiousness, I could always manage it.
I do feel that I have made progress with the anxiety (I am doing CBT with a therapist), and although the DR is still very much with me, I can watch TV, listen to music and go out for a walk without getting too bent out of shape. Things still seem unfamiliar and I feel detached from my emotions about things. This can be very upsetting and get me really depressed. I used to feel very engaged and connected to things.
That said, I do feel like things are slowly improving. I am starting to feel a little bit of enthusiasm for some things and activites. I just figure it will be a slow, gradual healing process.
If anyone here wants to correspond with me because you have had similar experiences. Please do!
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