[danny98]

Hey guys, so I didn't know there was such forum for this particular illness, but anyway, I've been noticing lately that I might have depersonalization symptoms, and it's probably due to isolation. Last year, I locked myself in my room in order to study and pass a subject that I don't particularly like, but I did it anyway because I wanted my mom to be proud of me. Eventually, my worst fears have been realized: I didn't study that much, and of cource failed the exams because of it. But things started to spiral very fast: I spent a lot of time watching animes and reading blogs or reports about anything that pops into my mind, and I gradually lost my sense of reality, I lost contact with people. I am now accustomed to staying alone in my room pretty much all the time. It feels like I can't see things clear anymore, where my future lies at. I litterary feel that I'm living in some sort of an illusion or bubble, and began recently to question myself why I'm still living. I really feel like I'm some sort of hikikomori; I don't have the motivation to do anything, and I am completely desensitized of anything aroud me. I have very mixed feelings because of that, for example sometimes I don't give a damn about time passing day after day without me doing anything useful with it, and other times I plan for my life 20 years ahead! I really lost sense of reality, and things are turning really bad for me. I also lost contact with my friends (not that I was the type of extrovert you would think of in the 1st place) who are studying abroad or in other cities than mine. So I'm really hoping to find solutions if I talk to you guys, because my problem now is not just a temporary isolation, but, like I assume with a lot of you guys here, a completely distorted view of the world around me.

P.S.: Thank you for reading this long exhaustive post.

 

[Wendy]

Welcome to the forums.

What do you think about taking yourself out of isolation? Perhaps that is difficult for you to do right now, but getting out of your comfort zone and getting involved physically, socially, and tangibly with others may offer some big improvements to your current condition. What if you tried getting back into contact with your buddies and speak with them more often? The life that you had before you isolated yourself seemed to be rather good, so if you try to go back to that life, do you think that will help your situation or worsen it?

The distorted worldview seems co-morbid with your isolation. In my opinion, that level of introversion somewhat begets those deep, existential thoughts. The more we are alone, the more we feel that maybe our purpose is blurred. The more that purpose is obscured, the more we try to think about the reason we're even around - hence your thoughts surrounding life. So, this is just my opinion on your situation (I'm not a psychologist, keep that in mind), but I think it might be beneficial for you to try and get back into your old groove, as it were.

Also, I assume you're young since you wrote about your studies. Remember that all humans think about these things sometimes, but it is even more prevalent in younger people. The twenties of someone's life are meant to be confusing and dazed because we still have to find ourselves and what identity we wish to have for the years to come. So, it really is normal to think about existence and life like this. If these thoughts bug you, just understand they're average thoughts and try to not dwell on them so much by putting your focus elsewhere.

I hope this helps you.

Best of luck!

 

[danny98]

Thanks for replying to my post, you seemed to have read it all the way to the end. Indeed, my life wasn't that bad but now that I can only have some facebook chats every now and then with some of them wouldn't really change the situation a lot. I obviously miss the human contact. I also think you're right about this isolation-existensial thoughts correlation. It didn't occur to me to ask any of these questions before, I really didn't have that much interest in philosophy. This isolation really changed a lot in me.

I guess that studies also put pressure on me. I sometimes think about betting on my abilities to achieve huge success because you know, the media is just flooded with these success stories you see everywhere. But then again, when I look into the numbers, the statistics are really not in anyone's favor, and so I reconsider the stable high-paying career approach of my parents. I don't want my family to hold the burdens of my eventual failure with me, they're already broke by western standards...

Also, pretty much everyone want me to excel in my academic career, since I'm the oldest and (if you measure it with grades) the smartest. So yeah just like you said it's really my social isolation and my identity crisis that need to be solved.

I'm really glad to see that someone actually replied to my post and read it very carefully like that. Thank you for replying.

 

[Wendy]

I'm sorry to hear about your friends.

I thought you were able to speak with them and be around physically. As someone who has lost a lot of friends from travel and studying abroad, I know how rough that can be. I only had a couple of friends, but whenever university started and everyone was busy, they rarely wanted to hang out. I had to greatly expand my friend group which actually helped a lot in the long run. Do you think you might be able to do something like that? Becoming more social and actually having reasons to come out of isolation might be a great exercise in finding your identity.

Speaking of, what do you think about the pressure from your academics? Do you think that maybe the pressure to do well in school is somehow causing you to feel this way? From what I've read, you seem to think about this stuff extensively. Your education seems to be really important to both you and your family. Perhaps you're just putting too much strain on becoming perfect especially since you mention that you don't want your family to "hold the burdens of your eventual failure".

I'm really glad to see that someone actually replied to my post and read it very carefully like that. Thank you for replying.

I'm just glad I could help, at least a little bit.

 

[danny98]

Well, thx for

 

[danny98]

Well, thank you for your response. Of course, my academic studies are really important to me and my family, I need to step up to everybody's expectations, I know I can't make everybody happy but I think of it as a duty more than anything else. I feel like I have a great opportunity to be studying for free (yes for free, because I'm in france not the US) in order to make my life better than my parents (unless, of course I find some incredibly lucrative idea like facebook to make money out of it). This situation (financially speaking) have been running for many generations (since my great grand-parents) and now it's on me to change things really. But I have to constantly remind myself of my reality. My isolation makes me numbed to everything, sometimes I even think about suicide when I wake up. Maybe I come from a low middle-class family, but I'm still grateful to be living in relative comfort (I have electricity, water running to my home, and a roof over my head, and that's already better than 1.6 billion people who currently lack all these things). Still, when you live in a developed country, you can't help but to compare yourself to everyone else aroud you. For me, it's an unconscious process, and being isolated makes it worse.