[CrazyKid]

So it's been a short while since I posted here and I felt now more than ever it is something I should do. Just to share my story (selfish right?) and also to see if anyone else is out there that is having a similiar journey. So around a month and a half ago I reached my breaking point with Derealization and Depersonalization and......DAMN....just DAMN. It was PRETTY FRIGGIN' ROUGH...BUT like many of us mental soldiers do I survived. I fought through it and came back into my comfort zone to rest my tired bones. Then out of the blue about an old demon appeared back with a VENGANCE. ANXIETY...and yes it is true anxiety is a big part of dpd and often they go hand in hand (as is the case with me) but about 2 weeks ago I began to have shortness of breath and after about 2 days of this I went into a bad panic attack and ended up in the ER they did blood work, urine test, xray. The whole package. They ended up telling me it was just anxiety and to go in home.I ended up just deciding to deal with the now 24/7 shortness of breath. Fast foward to 3 days ago, and im on my way to the store with my older sister when suddenly the breathing problem is more noticable...I begin to become scared, anxious. I begin to try and take deeper breaths when my nose starts tingling I told my sister what was happening and she tries to calm me down (she was unsuccessful in doing so) when i started sort of whimpering with fear she decides to start driving towards the hospital. By the time I get to the hospital my hand is beginning to tingle as well. My sister tells them my problem and they ask us to take a seat and wait. As i sit down i begin to become EVEN MORE SCARED as my WHOLE FACE HAS BEGUN TO FEEL NUMB. I tell my sister whats happening and she begins to try and rush them saying, "Can you please hurry?! My brother is about to pass out!" About 5 mins into sitting there my WHOLE BODY becomes numb and tingly at this point i've lost track of my breathing and was just focusing on this terrifying feeling of numbness. After about 10 minutes they bring out a wheel chair for me and ask me to sit on it and wait a while longer. In this wheel chair i feel just as horrible and my eyesight has even begun to start blurring and sort of darkening. They end up calling me in after about 20mins (and to stop this post from being any longer) They end up doing THE WHOLE TEST PACKAGE and say that nothing is wrong and it's all anxiety. It is safe to say that was the WORST 35 MINS OF MY LIFE! But after they gave me ativan I was feeling SO GOOD. So now I cannot be outside my house for more than 15 mins without having a full blown panic attack (agoraphobia I believe is the term). Even as I post this I've just come back from a quick trip to the store from which I drove home QUICK due to having another mini panic attack. Sleep is even HARDER to get now as i wake up 2 hours after falling asleep with anxiety. So YAY.. ....agoraphobia..........oh yah and monophobia...

 

[Nadosa]

Just telling you, my life is also hell after DPDR. You are not alone.

I really wonder how people can go on like nothing has happened. Wtf, a piece of my life is a huge blurr and cut out, the Depression/Anxiety (which I never had before except during DPDR) and dark thoughts fuck me every single day, they also occured suddenly.