[BlueSkies]

Hey i'm Bryce. I've just started remembering and having enough context to understand whats happening to me. Its been about 2 weeks and it feels... eternal. I can pull myself out of some of the symptoms (calm myself down, know its not here and now, understand whats happening). Some stuff tricks me. My "rational thinking" goes and i cant find the escape hatch. I have an appointment with a therapist but its 5 days away. Not having a plan for these times i loose comprehension is really distressing.
Most of the symptoms aren't new to me, but getting this lost in them is. I've lost trust in myself.
On another note:
All the vocabulary that is coming up reading about this and seeing so many unfamiliar terms used casually without explanation feels so unfair.
I have been trying to describe and understand these distressing emotions, sensations, and experiences for the last decade but i didnt know how to put it into words or summarize it well enough to ask for help. Its like i've been playing pictionary and no one could figure out the right answers. Now i see that not only do the words exist, but there's an entire community of people that know what they mean and how to use them and I've been left out in the cold this whole time. Theres a sense of betrayal that, what all these people see as obvious could be so illusive to me and the people around me. I get this feeling that the life raft was right there on the boat! but everyone was just watching me drown, enjoying their martinis.

 

[Trith]

Hey i'm Bryce. I've just started remembering and having enough context to understand whats happening to me. Its been about 2 weeks and it feels... eternal. I can pull myself out of some of the symptoms (calm myself down, know its not here and now, understand whats happening). Some stuff tricks me. My "rational thinking" goes and i cant find the escape hatch. I have an appointment with a therapist but its 5 days away. Not having a plan for these times i loose comprehension is really distressing.
Most of the symptoms aren't new to me, but getting this lost in them is. I've lost trust in myself.
On another note:
All the vocabulary that is coming up reading about this and seeing so many unfamiliar terms used casually without explanation feels so unfair.
I have been trying to describe and understand these distressing emotions, sensations, and experiences for the last decade but i didnt know how to put it into words or summarize it well enough to ask for help. Its like i've been playing pictionary and no one could figure out the right answers. Now i see that not only do the words exist, but there's an entire community of people that know what they mean and how to use them and I've been left out in the cold this whole time. Theres a sense of betrayal that, what all these people see as obvious could be so illusive to me and the people around me. I get this feeling that the life raft was right there on the boat! but everyone was just watching me drown, enjoying their martinis.

Same here, it took me about 6 years to learn the word depersonalization. At the end I even went to see a psychiatrist, who had nothing to say about it, and when I found out the word and told her I realized she knew all along that this is what I had and she didn't say it. I can't imagine how much more time I could have wasted. It's like she thought that there was no need for me to know the diagnosis because she was the one curing me, not thinking that I might go to another doctor some day and it could be useful to know the word, or that maybe it could be useful for me to read about it. It's almost like it was simpler for her if I stayed ignorant. Like what I know doesn't matter because she is the one in control anyway.