[Guest]

Hi-Im new here.

I stumbled upon this site and was very relieved at the information I came across. When I was several years younger (12-13), I believe I very much experienced depersonalization/derealization. I was very depressed, and often in a constant state of feeling like my surrounding environment was anything but the reality that it should be. I went on prescription drugs, seroquel and prozac for two years and that pretty much squelched the overall disassociation feeling, I had a few relapses but overall the perception was pretty much erased. I contribute this to the zombie like effect these drugs had one me-the derealization was gone but so was a lot of the brain activity, to get rid of it I was worth it though, at the time anyway.

I have been off medication for a few years now, a choice I made once I felt my depression was under control. I do not have the same derealizaton that I once had but part of me believes that my experience with that altered state of perception has enabled me to channel some of the same feelings into a positive state.

Think of perceiving your environment on a numerical scale

<------------------------------------------------------------>
-5 -4 -3 -2 -1 0 1 2 3 4 5

Let (0) be the state of 'normalcy' - no depersonalization/ no derealization just

The negative numbers are going further and further to a dissociation with ones surroundings and self. Sensory changes, time can be altered and it all stems back to a sense of disconnection

The positive numbers are the opposite. Becoming connected and emerged into something. Instead of feeling dead, feeling instead alive. An energy, a stimulus. Sensory changes as well, time can be altered but it all stems beck to a sense of connection instead of disconnection.

Is it possible to go from one extreme to the next? Not necessarily in a short period of time but gradually. Perhaps to use our knowledge that perception is fluid to better ourselves, to somehow experience life to a fuller degree.

Maybe thats just my idealism kicking in. Im just curious if anyone else has thought similarly or just any feed back at all would be very welcomed.,

Another thing that I came across on one of the info pages. this paragraph->

"But to the depersonalization/derealization sufferer, it seems there was no provocation for this bizarre state of mind. In actuality, the brain is often reacting in response to thoughts that exist outside conscious awareness ? thoughts that were perceived as potentially threatening to the self's status quo. In such cases, the mind dissociates as a form of protection ? without any discernible trauma or shocking event as motivation. The ?danger? was internal, and the potential assault was against self-identity, not the physical body.

To be honest when I read that my heart wouldnt stop pounding. For so long I've been searching for something in my past -the 'traumatizing event' as a catalyst for my mental state. That is what Ive always heard everywhere-its nice to know that I can be justified in feeling this way without feeling like I should have some pronounced reason behind it.

Anyway, Im really grateful that I found this site. Even though my depersonalization/derealization doesn?t play an extremely active role in my life it is still very relative.

Any comments would be greatly appreciated, Im just trying to figure things out really.

Thanks

 

[Guest]

Welcome and so glad that paragraph from the information page spoke to you (it's from a dp informational pamphlet I wrote). The idea that most people who suffer this kind of thing DO assume there has to be some hidden abuse or something in their past - very common misunderstanding. In reality, there is likely nothing you can't remember that you need to know. But it's the more subtle "trauma" moments that can send someone into a breakdown, and subsequently, into dissociation disturbances.

I think your scale concept makes perfect sense. The only thing I'd add to it that in the negative range, it's a regressed mind state that is activated. We are using primary processing thinking - and it induces an altered state of consciousness, that can FEEL very much like insanity to us. Terrifying stuff. ANd yes, the way out is gradual....not instantaneous. We want to think we can flick a switch back to reality, but that's not how the mind works.

Glad you found us.
Janine

 

[person3]

maybe there's some sense in laying back and learning to view the "subtle traumas" in a different light, then. Like view why it's a trauma, what in your range of thinking perceives it as such, and usually it's somewhat nonsensical anyway and it shouldn't be such a big deal.

Just saying random stuff