Karine,
:lol:
Talking about yourself will make it better. It is the key to your recovery. It is the only thing which will lead to recovery. That, and focusing away from the way you feel (which seems to be too hard for us obsessive types)
I know how you feel 100%, AND I would say that I'm even worse off than you are : )
I also know how it is to want someone to take you in their hands and make it all go away, BUT the only person who can take us into their arms is us. We have to hug ourselves. When we gain back that secure, logical, strong part of us that has gone into hiding, we begin the process of recovery. Right now, that part of us has gone on a very long vacation, and the only way to reclaim it is to deal with what made it happen in the first place.
I know you don't want to hear this, and I know it seems like nothing you could have gone through could be causing so much pain, but, despite this, what we have gone through in our lives has created the DP.
No one can cure you but yourself, AND it will not go away overnight. You have to take a stand against your emotions, and fight as hard as you can to stay positive and focus elsewhere. Trust me, nothing more than thoughts is causing the way you feel, even thought it seems like a big horrible monster : )
Fight, fight, and keep fighting. When you have nothing left, fight harder. Force yourself to do stuff you can't, and keep fighting. Do not give into the negative emotions. And, talk about all the stuff which gives you so much pain. Talk about yourself, and keep talking. If you do this I'm sure (and, you can double check with Janine), you will feel a ton better. But, if you don't try, you won't know.
You can do this, but, you first need to realize it is in your hands.
Best,
Jon